Seeking Center: The Podcast

Rewrite Your Love Story—From the Inside Out with Amy Nobile Messing - Episode 163

• Robyn Miller Brecker, Karen Loenser, Amy Nobile Messing • Season 2 • Episode 163

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In all of our episodes, we've yet to discuss something that so many of us crave, sometimes struggle with, and are also absolutely meant to experience—love and connection.

Today’s guest had us at…“The biggest predictor of your dating success is… your ENERGY.”

Umm… YES. And where were you when we were looking for our forever after?!

Say hello to Amy Nobile Messing, the founder of Love, Amy — a dating coaching service that is seriously changing the game. Amy’s not your typical ‘dating coach’ — she’s your right-hand wing woman, your cheerleader, your truth-teller — and she approaches dating in the most soul-centered, real, and refreshing way.

Amy blends the energy of human connection with the realities of modern-day dating apps — and trust us, you are going to want her secrets. She’s here to help you figure out who you really are, what you truly want, and how to actually enjoy the journey of finding your person.

Plus, Amy’s an Oprah-featured, best-selling author, a total communications guru, a podcast host, and, oh yeah — she’s also super tuned in on a spiritual and intuitive level.. That means when you work with her, Spirit might just have a few things to say to you that will end up helping your love life, too.

What makes Amy’s approach so powerful is that she helps you explore:

  • Who you really are — beneath the patterns and personas
  • What you truly want — from your heart and your soul
  • How to stay grounded and aligned as you seek meaningful connection

And spoiler alert: it all starts with how you show up energetically.

Whether you’re new to dating, re-entering the world of relationships, or simply curious about calling in deeper, truer love — this episode offers a new lens for understanding your love life… and yourself.

Your soul story starts now.

MORE FROM AMY NOBILE MESSING

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You can also follow Seeking Center on Instagram @theseekingcenter.

Robyn: [00:00:00] I'm Robyn Miller Brecker and I'm Karen Loenser. Welcome to Seeking Center, the podcast. Join us each week as we have the conversations and we, through the spiritual and holistic clutter for you, we'll boil it down to what you need to know now, we're all about total wellness, which to us needs building a healthy life.

Karen: On a physical, mental, and spiritual level, we'll talk to the trailblazers who'll introduce you to the practices, products, and experiences that may be just what you need to hear about to transform your life. If you're listening to this, it's no accident. Think of this as your seeking center and your place to seek your center.

Robyn: And for the best wellness and spiritual practitioners, experts, products, experiences, and inspo, visit theseekingcenter. com. In all of our episodes, we've yet to discuss something that so many of us crave, sometimes struggle with, and are all also absolutely meant to experience, love and connection today's guest had us at the biggest predictor of your dating [00:01:00] success is your energy.

Yes. . And where were you when we were looking for our forever after say hello to Amy Noble Messing, the founder of Love, Amy, a dating coaching service that is seriously changing the game. Amy's not your typical dating coach. She's your right hand wing woman, your cheerleader, your truth teller, and she approaches dating in the most soul-centered, real and refreshing way.

Amy blends the energy of human connection with the realities of modern day dating apps. And trust us, you're going to want her secrets. She's here to help you figure out. Who you really are, what you truly want, and how to actually enjoy the journey of finding your person.

Plus, Amy's an Oprah featured bestselling author, A Total communications guru. A podcast host, and oh yeah. She's also super tuned in on a spiritual and intuitive level. That means when you work with her. Spirit might just have a few things to say to you that will end up helping your love life too.

So [00:02:00] whether you're new to dating, feeling stuck, or just curious about how to call in deeper, truer love, get ready because Amy is about to open up a whole new way of seeing yourself and your love story. Let's dive in. Hi, Amy. Amy. Hi guys. Wow. Best intro ever. Thank you. 

Karen: I gotta say, I'm sitting on the edge of my seat now.

Because I think this is the conversation Robin's, right? We've never had it really before and I think so many of us are looking for love, even. In our relationships with our families, with our friends. It's really about, like Robyn said, starting with ourselves. Yeah. It's a state of mind really.

Yeah. I think we often forget that, and the energy that we bring when we're meeting people, I think is what they do all see first. So yeah. 

Amy: All we are is love. Like we enter the world in love and then we exit the world in love. That's it. And really. I just feel so privileged to be sitting here and able to tune in to people to help them understand that fact that they really are love.

I think we look at [00:03:00] our lives as so siloed oh, our love life is just this one part, and it's so frustrating and I don't get it, and I succeed at all the other parts. And it's no. Like I help people really take a step back and understand that if they can embody love at the highest level, then everything else starts to make sense.

Robyn: We're so not taught that. 

Karen: No, 

Robyn: . How did you come to understand that? Take us back a little bit. 

And what led to creating love? Amy? 

Amy: Yeah. so I think the simplest story is I did everything my whole life. I was a perfectionist, a people pleaser. I call myself a recovering people pleaser now.

I followed the rules. I was a good girl and got married when I thought I was supposed to in my twenties, had two kids and. There was nothing wrong in the marriage. We had a 20 year marriage and this was seven, eight years ago, and I literally had this light bulb moment of I just think there's something more for me, and , am I allowed to have permission to [00:04:00] leave and explore?

And I did. I made the really tough decision to leave. It was horrible and too pissed off preteens and. Really like leaving one career, leaving a best friend and business partner, completely redesigning my life, but I had no idea where I was gonna start. And No idea I was gonna be doing this, and which is the biggest gift of my entire life.

I just knew there was this pull, there was this sort of energetic pull. It was terrifying, but it was like I had to do it. It's like I was like leaping off the cliff with no parachute and I was like, I just know I'm gonna be held. 

It's probably because I am spiritual and I didn't know what that even meant as a child but I always journaled and I would say bless the earth at the end of every, I wasn't even religious. I just had this knowing growing up and I would, I. Never talk about it, but every once in a while I'd find a friend I could talk to and say do you feel the same way I do that there's something [00:05:00] more.

I became obsessed with near death experiences and really going down those rabbit holes and then finding people who had them that my mother actually had one, and so I. The long story short is here, I'm in New York City now. I'm in my forties. I'm single. I'm like, let's fing go. All right. Now I'm excited and like I get to explore this new single world.

Every single person that I talked to who was single, told me horror stories. Like everything I read, I would open the Wall Street Journal. They're like single women, lonelier than ever. And I just couldn't get over it. And finally I was like. I am an ever optimist. I have this nerdy social anthropology brain and I literally had time on my hands and I made dating my job and I made every mistake you could make.

And without knowing it, I was putting together kinda the roadmap for love, Amy, because I was dating, no one ever teaches us this. I was dating from that place of I wanna be perfect. I want everyone to like me like a [00:06:00] dopamine Instagram hit. I. Design my dating profile for the masses and. Guess what? I was miserable.

I was like, this is not working. Like I'm not attracting the people that I want to interact with. So then I took a step back and I took time off from dating. I was like, Nope. Dating. Pause. And I went deep. I went deep into my spirituality. I went deep into who am I now? Like we're different every year. We're different every month.

But who am I now? And what do I stand for? What are my core values? What lights me up? And then what am I looking for from the inside out? Like we never ask ourselves these questions. So I came up with this list and then I kept whittling it down. And at the top of the list was, every time we walk into the room, our eyes light up for each other and we make Each other's happiness, our own we prioritize the relationship. We giggle like kids all day. I made this long list and I just didn't deviate. That was my vision, and I figured out what [00:07:00] questions to ask and I wanted someone open to spirituality. I didn't need them to be the Dalai Lama, but I definitely wanted someone who had The curiosity. And that really is Brett, my husband now. I stuck to that vision and I really started to not care about who liked me. And I showed up on dates, like with a ponytail and no makeup. And I was, I just wanna have fun. So I knew if I talked about meditating in crystals and if their eyes rolled in the back of their head, oh, see you have a great day, Bob. It just didn't matter anymore, and I started attracting really interesting people and I took off all the lenses of what I thought I should be choosing. And I just, I went on some fantastic dates with guys I would normally never have, even considered.

And then Brett walked in the door, he breezed in one day and it was just easy. 

Robyn: Did you feel like from an energetic perspective. You could sense something different. You could feel something when you met him. It's interesting, 

Amy: so I [00:08:00] always say this, it's like we're taught that chemistry is like the electric bolt right away, and I.

That's actually not true. Real chemistry works in reverse, where as you start to build emotional intimacy, then the chemistry actually can keep growing your whole relationship, which is certainly the case for us years and years later. And so I wasn't quite sure, but I knew that I just wanted to keep talking to him.

I just knew that this isn't nearly done and it was interesting 'cause he presents himself as super serious. He's like the smartest person I've ever met in my life. And we had a mini screener date at Joe and the Juice in New York City and I was like talking about literally all my stuff, I'm like, oh my gosh.

I don't exactly talk to dead people, but I might talk to, and he literally was looking at me and nodding and Then we started to bond over TV shows we liked and our humor. But it wasn't until after that we started texting and every morning I would get this text from him with a picture of the sunrise where he [00:09:00] was.

And there was just, I just wanted to keep it going. Yeah. 

Robyn: When you talk about your spiritual journey, especially after your divorce and where you were dedicating more time, what did that look like for you? 

Amy: Yeah. So no one ever teaches us.

this either, which is really why what you're doing is so beautiful, right? It's like I was scarce for resources. I just started reading books. I started talking to people that I trusted. I had this one psychic that I've talked to since I was 20, and she's Rose. She's literally incredible.

And so I just kept connecting with her and. It's just what feels true for me? And then I found meditation, and that was really the light bulb for me is to connect That's when I realized I am not the voice in my head. 

I am not that voice.

That voice is just programming and I'm the consciousness that's just witnessing that voice. And that was it. Once I hit that and I teach my clients all the time. [00:10:00] We don't know that our voice isn't us, and that crazy voice will tell us who to love. It'll tell us not to go for certain things.

It'll tell us how to feel and feelings aren't facts. So once I realized that, then all bets were off. I was like on my way. 

Karen: So much to what you're saying too, Amy, I feel like we quote unquote know, but we don't know actually how to practice it within our own selves, right? Like when we're showing up in these new relationships or looking for a new relationship, we're thinking about that outward appearance.

Like what is my resume? And will that person actually like the resume versus thinking first about the person on the inside versus the outside. How do you, tell people how to get there. What is your offering into getting people to really think about that and really start to practice that 

Amy: that's such a great question.

And so I have this really long intake form that I have my clients fill out. It's 15 pages. And when we're reviewing it, either in person or on FaceTime, they don't realize it, but I'm actually [00:11:00] dating them at this point. So I get to witness where I can sense. This is where my witch is really comes in handy.

I can sense where they're shutting down, where they're switching into different modes, where they're performing, where they're tender, where they're avoiding. So during that intake process, I'm taking notes and then that gives me the roadmap with where to go. For instance, so many of us are.

All we have is our past relationships to draw on. So we're rejecting certain parts of ourselves. We're repeating patterns without knowing it. So my job is to tune into someone's true essence and their special gifts, and I see them as already free. I see them as unburdened from all this stuff. Ooh, chills.

And so it's really beautiful. I'll literally be welling up during an intake form when they're just telling me all this stuff about themselves, and because I can see. The inner child, and I can see them struggling and I can [00:12:00] see the them. And most people just undervalue who they are.

They don't know who they are, or they undervalue their special gifts. I get really excited. Once I figure out their true essence and their special gifts, then it becomes my job to reflect it back to them and then help coach them. How are you showing up? Show people your gifts.

this is your job, Some people are amazing listeners. Some people, just really can reflect others' magic back to them. We all have, some people just can find the levity and the laughter and so I think we're so busy trying to perform and be perfect that we aren't being warm, we're not being validating back.

All people want is to be seen and heard. And if we can understand that, then we can get out of our own way. So on a high level, that's what's going on. 

Robyn: And to me, first and foremost, what you're giving them is this gift of loving themselves, of seeing themselves in this completely different way, which I think [00:13:00] before you can find anyone else, you have to really believe and love yourself first.

you know, a partner isn't going to. Complete all of that. They can definitely add to it, make things better. All of it. You can grow with somebody, but if you don't love you and see the specialness in you, how can anyone else. 

Amy: It's so true, and there's so much rhetoric. I think right now out there, if you click open Instagram, it's all about loving yourself.

How the heck you're supposed to do that. And I think there's a lot of superficial aspects to it, and it's not about. Looking in the mirror every morning and saying, I love you. Which by the way it can be. And that's beautiful. But what it really is on a deeper level is when things are tough and when you mess up, because we mess up every day, multiple times a day.

You wish you would've said something different or acted differently or it is stopping in that moment hand over heart. And you know what? It's. I love you so much. I love [00:14:00] you to yourself. And it's okay. And it's that self-forgiveness and it is. 

Robyn: One of the biggest things I've learned in my life, I was working actually on a forgiveness course with Iyanla Vanzant and for those who know of her know how tapped in she is, and the first thing when we were.

Going through what the course would be, she said so the first chapter is forgiving yourself. That's the first thing you have to do. And , I had never heard that. I'm sure we had covered that some point on the Oprah show, but I didn't hear that message. And when I did, I couldn't believe there were certain things that I was holding myself accountable.

Four. And when I did that, so many things changed in my life. 

Amy: They crack open, and I think we're conditioned. Of course, it's survival. We're conditioned to beat ourselves up and be hard like it's a fire run, and I think once we realized, oh my God, I'm hardwired to be mean to myself, yes.

We've evolved in modern day to just be [00:15:00] horrible to ourselves. And then the neuroscience proves that the nicer you are to yourself, the more successful you'll be because it opens up all these pathways. So that is a big light bulb moment. And so I do a lot of work with clients on that and teaching them what self-love actually means and how to get there.

Karen: Can we talk a little more about that and your process? 'cause it you sign up for a four month commitment to work with you which actually feels right. I feel like none of this stuff can change overnight. But can you just talk a little bit about your process and how you work with your clients? 

Robyn: I also love to understand how you talk to them about energy because they brought that up in the intro. with this holistic process that you've created, where does energy fall into that? How do you get through to somebody who may not come from this? An energetic thinking.

Nada: Yeah, 

Amy: totally. Yeah. And I've come to understand that part of my purpose on Earth is to bridge the two worlds. Like my clients are CEOs who are like okay, I [00:16:00] am willing to think about energy. And then I have, people who are like, I'm all in. I'm woowoo, I want all the witch.

 So that is a big part of what I do. And by the way, when I first started Love Amy, I like kept all the spiritual stuff separate. I was like, oh, this doesn't have a place here, no one's gonna want this. And then I would be in session with a client and like. All kinds of stuff would be coming through from their grand grandfather who had passed and wanted them to know and wanted them to know he's on the journey.

So I just realized, oh my God, like this is something like I can tune in so much faster. And when they know I'm doing that and they're not freaked out by it then everything opens up. So the four months is really, it's the minimum I figured out because we really are rewiring ourselves and everyone's journey is different. Sometimes the four months is like dating yourself. What does that look like? Sometimes the four months is like the first two months. We're unraveling some patterns from the past. We're going on lots of discovery dates. Not like where is this person? But it's oh gosh, I'm gonna practice [00:17:00] being confident.

I'm gonna practice asking intentional questions. What does that even mean? No one's ever taught us how to intentionally date everyone's journey is a bit different, but where the energy work comes in is, I start every session with we do some breath work, and then it's like, how are you doing?

Tell me, because I, everything's connected. It's not, again, everyone's trying to silo. So it's once I get someone's they just need to start talking about their day, their job, what the stress is, and then what I find is like I can almost see it on a continuum. We're either operating from fear or love.

Okay. And there's a really big continuum in between. And the closer I can move people to vibrating love 'cause it's the highest vibration. And I really see it almost like a chart. Then boom, their person will arrive. It's like I can see it. and I actually can intuit their person before they've met them.

And we do sessions where they can feel them too. And it's really cool. But my job is to move them from [00:18:00] fear to love as quickly as we can. So that's the energy work and there's lots of ways to get there. 

Karen: can you talk a little bit about your own intuition and how you define that and how you use that in working with your clients?

Because I love that 

Nada: Yeah. 

Robyn: And 'cause I'm so interested in that and I also wanna bring up that I know when we've talked before, you brought up. This is not necessarily intuition, however, , I would say it's a form of intuition, but you were able to see spirits from a young age.

So it's all so let's 

Karen: talk, we're just mentioning seeing people's relatives and things like that. Yeah. How does that all work 

Amy: session? I know I'm still trying to figure it out. It's every month I'm like, woo, I like discover something else. It is like a giant puzzle, and I'm still putting the pieces together.

My clients say A lot of them say the same thing, I just feel lighter after I talk to you. I feel elevated, I feel open, so I know that is part of my job. But yes, I did see my grandfather when I was 10, after he had passed, he came to, I. The foot of my bed. I wasn't allowed to go to his funeral.

[00:19:00] And a few days later he appeared and it was just peaceful and beautiful. And grandpa Joe and I walked downstairs the next morning and it was my stepdad's dad. I was not close to him at all. I. And I was shy and I just said, I saw Grandpa Joe last night. He came to me and he said he is okay. And my stepdad Bruce turned white and he said, yeah, he came to me too, and it was at that moment I thought, okay, there's something else. There's something more. And I just tucked it away in my subconscious okay, this is there. This is a bigger. Thing. This is not just a human element here. And journaling became my thing. I just poured out my heart from then on.

I have scores and scores of journals throughout my life. And to this day, the automatic writing in the morning is something that, ask my angels, what do you need me to know? And crazy, wild things will pop out. and I encourage my clients to do that. But to answer your question, I just, it's more like Claire Sein. It's like I just have these knowings. So like I'll be on a FaceTime with a [00:20:00] client and I'll just have a, knowing that there's a sadness we need to unlock. So where do you feel sad? And in your past? And so it's to me it's like , I go on the spiritual treasure hunt to try to like unlock the unlocks and.

I'm usually pretty on target. And so once we go down different paths they never expected and every session's so different, but it just starts to accumulate. Where they just, I keep like the word unlock. We just unlock , and then everything starts to open. And I always know we're on our way.

When a client says Amy, oh my God, I just started to feel happier for no reason. I dunno what's going on, but I have this knowing that my person's coming. And when we move from thinking that our persons out there. To believing. I'm willing to believe. Okay. To knowing. And when I hear that word, Amy, I have this knowing, I don't know how, why, but I do.

And then boom, it happens. And I have a very high success rate. So it's hard to describe how it works, but I just, I know that we're on our way when that happens, 

Robyn: And I'm [00:21:00] sure for every client, they come in at a different point. 

Amy: Oh, wildly different. Wildly different. Sometimes someone's it always cracks me up when someone is like trying to perform for me.

So sometimes they'll hide the fact that they're still like really entrenched with an X, which in my world, we have to cut cords. There's just energetically I'll have this nagging and every week I'm like, what's going on? Something's going on. Are you, what's, and then finally they'll be like, okay, fine.

I'm still texting with them and I'm, I just saw them and I'm like, okay. So it's just everyone is, journey is different And what they need is different. everyone's looking for an Instagram formula. That's just not how this works. the biggest predictor of success in my world is, it's not what you look like where you live.

It's not how much money you make. It's not, how old you are, it's your energy and that is true every single time. If you are coming from fear. That is felt by someone sitting across the table and they can't explain [00:22:00] it, but they just leave going. No, not gonna happen. that is like on the simplest level, no one's ever taught us that it's overlooked. And at the same time we've been conditioned to think that love is Disney fireworks and the Prince is coming. So I'm equal pragmatic where I'm like, okay. What are the questions we're asking on this date? We're gonna ask if your ex were sitting here, what qualities would they say are great about you?

And challenging. So we are very quickly shifting energy while at the same time figuring out, I call it my four pillars. We need to know in early dating, four things. Okay? We need to know if someone is emotionally mature. If they're ready for the same thing you are. If your core values match and if there is some semblance of chemistry.

So those are the four, and that will save you so much heartbreak and so much wondering and questioning because why we grow up with [00:23:00] Disney in her head okay, Bobby in eighth grade. I never forget that feeling. And then we chase that feeling and hope for the best and that I believe the divorce rate is this high because we're not intentionally dating to begin with, don't know how to choose people.

Karen: Yeah. And our expectations of what that person is going to be in our life, the role that they will fulfill in our lives is always. Off the charts. It's like I always feel people go out there trying to find the hole, that they're gonna actually fill in their lives. What are they missing?

So this idea of you going back and looking at those early days of dating, even childhood, I don't think most people think about that. They're always thinking about moving forward. Who's going to be, what am I gonna find them? It's always that. 

Amy: And they're unconsciously 

Karen: repeating 

Amy: a lot of stuff.

Yes, exactly. They're like, I have a client right now who's 62 years old and she's phenomenal and we're working on how she had to earn love from her father her whole life. Yeah. It's yes. It's oh my gosh. That's the pattern. We're now breaking and dating. It's 62. That's 

Robyn: right. And [00:24:00] nobody thinks about that, right?

, they don't think about what comes from those early years. That taught you something about relationships. 

Amy: You're wired you're making these knee jerk choices. So it's like really understanding where your choices are coming from and then knowing the voice in your head that's dictating this.

Wired voice that's saying Ooh, no, don't go for that one. The nice guy is, Ugh, I, there's something wrong with him. So it's like a lot of what I'm doing is helping people rewire themselves, and guess what? It's really uncomfortable. It's wildly uncomfortable to sit across from someone who's actually really aligned with you if you are wired for.

Attracting the non-committal person or having to fight and scratch to earn love. So just know that if you're listening, and this is resonating, just because it feels uncomfortable doesn't mean it's wrong, 

Karen: that's a big thought. Yes, that's true. So if someone [00:25:00] is listening to this podcast and all these things that you're saying Amy, and feels oh yeah I've been there, done that, and things are just not working for them.

Is there one thing that they could try at this moment to help them shift themselves, either energetically or from that expectation of what this person is that they're looking for should fulfill in their lives? There's a one simple thing that they can do. 

Amy: Yeah, so we are wired to do, which is our masculine energy, right?

We're super overachievers, we're type A, we're trying to do it right. I hear this all the time. I must be doing it wrong. Something's wrong with me. I try to move people from doing to being, the only way to do that is, and people hate this advice, but pause dating. Pause dating. If you are dating and you're frustrated and nothing's working, pause, give yourself space.

We have to make space not only for ourselves to come back to who we are now, but also for our partner to come in. So pause. I've recorded on my podcast, five Minute Mini Meditations, and [00:26:00] they're all designed for people looking for love. So it's like how to fall in love with yourself and. Asking the universe to bring your partner to you and show me what's possible.

So whether it's that, you can find lots of guided meditations and I don't I have to be careful not to preach about meditation. But if you're willing to try five minutes every day for one month, 'cause you have to be consistent, that's five minutes a day. And then write five things you're grateful for every morning.

 So that's six minutes every morning. I have seen such tremendous transformation of just that. Take a month break and then find one thing that sparks joy for you every day. Like for me, I will dance to sky full of stars, Coldplay every morning and just shake off whatever I need to shake off because you guys, I'm sure know this like one of the easiest ways to shift your energy is music.

Yes. That's my go-to. Yeah. Because think about it, like when people ask me, I don't understand what you're talking about when you're talking about [00:27:00] energy and shifting energy. If you can remember a time you were at a favorite concert and they played your favorite song, what happened in your body?

I had a religious experience at Coldplay once literally burst into tears. I'm like, ah, like I saw God. Music is the easiest way. A lot of people, I don't have time. I'm busy. it's like we have to make that space. Yeah. It's so simple, but it's deep. 

Robyn: Yeah. And I think when you do and using music as an example, and you almost forget.

Where you are and who you are, you're just in it. Because there's something about the frequency of that music that reverberates after the song is over. And then I think what happens so many times after you do that, let's say it's on a daily ritual, you might get a phone call out of the blue that Just lights you up or an email or text or something because you're on that vibration. And so if you're then [00:28:00] doing that work to get to that core love energy, you're gonna attract in love, right? If you're also then aligned with some of these other aspects that you're talking about. But you can attract that in by changing the frequency.

Exactly. And guess what? 

Amy: Learning to flirt with life. It's not okay, I'm just gonna be in do mode and then when I go on the date, I'm gonna flip my energy. It's like when you're in line at CVS turn to the person next to you and be like, I love that sweatshirt. Yeah, I love that. Your hair looks amazing today.

Smile it strange. I chills thinking about it like we have such tremendous power within us to shift our energy in a minute. 

Robyn: I know 

Amy: like in a minute, and that is a big part of what I do with clients is sitting like this and literally they can start to feel what it feels like to shift it .

We don't know how to do that. 

Robyn: And I love what you said at the beginning of this conversation, which is that when you sit down with someone, you start dating them and you can see. Them, like the essence of them and their gifts, especially because also, you're getting to [00:29:00] know them by all the questions that they've answered, and so you can see through all of it.

When somebody can see that in you and you are able to then bring that out in them because you're coming from this place of really wanting to help them see. All that is within there is nothing 

Karen: better. Honestly. It did. It's like this, it's so funny, Rob, what you're describing, it's like I can almost see it in my head.

It's like this dance of energy. Yeah. It's like this intertwining where it is about you. it is that self love. Intertwining with that of another person. And that's really what it is. And I. What you're aha moment for me, Amy is that I think people forget that it really does start with themselves because it can't intertwine in any other way, right?

Because then you're not, connecting, you aren't enhancing the best both. And the self-love is really what is going to attract. That love of that other person. Oh, and be the basis to build 

Amy: the relationship. Totally . Like I always get this question early on [00:30:00] what's your success rate?

What's your success rate? And while it is very high in terms of what people want, which is their person coming in, it's about someone leaving my nest and they're floating out of it and they're like, it's just a matter of time. Like I feel. Good. And that's it. That's really what it's about. 

Robyn: It really is. And one of the things you also talked about was in this conversation is core values. You mentioned that. How do you define that ? How and how does someone start to even understand what their core values are? 

Amy: Yeah, it's a great question and if anyone wants this, I have this quiz.

It's the Via character strength quiz. It's not mine, but it's an amazing tool. So just reach out to me or DM me on Instagram. I'm happy to just send you the link. So I have my clients take this core values quiz and it's really interesting. It's five minutes and it's spits out your character strengths in order of importance, and you're just answering some random questions and then it spits it out.

So my number one core value is gratitude. And it's so funny, I had Brett take it when we [00:31:00] were dating and his is forgiveness is number one, right? So when you look at your character strengths, that really do match core values, then you can a, understand what matters to you, right? Like some people's, number one is humor.

Some people's number one is families, or patience or. Freedom, adventure. So once you really understand your core values, then I help clients. We always have a, like a game plan date by date. So what are the three questions you're gonna ask on every date? So for me, knowing that I would go into every first date asking what are you grateful for in your life right now?

 And listen, if you go on dates and you start asking questions you wish people would ask you, guess what? You're gonna have more fun. I would go on spectacularly misaligned dates Like an objectively awful date. And I would leave like skipping out because I was like, I had fun. I dunno, I don't think you did, but I had fun.

Talked about crystals, 

Robyn: now I wanna know my core values. Me too. I have no idea [00:32:00] what. But like you can apply that to any relationship in your life. 

Karen: Yes, totally. And Amy, I was just thinking about you and your husband then, right?

If his core value is forgiveness and yours is gratitude, how do you know if your core values are aligned? 

Amy: Yeah, so Just because you have different core values that kind of rank high, like I family is, and friends who are family is really important to me. And I only dated men who also had kids, so I was dating in my forties, two kids.

And I would always ask about their kids that was a one of my first questions and it was really interesting 'cause some people. We'd glaze over. It's oh, we don't need to talk about that. And when Bre started talking about his three daughters, his eyes lit up like a Christmas tree and his whole energy changed.

And I was like, okay check. So it doesn't necessarily mean you're not aligned. You just stick to your core values, ask questions according to that, and then say, what do you think yours are? And it's just a learning. but if someone. [00:33:00] For instance, I could only date people who had an optimistic outlook on life.

I just wouldn't work for me to date someone who woke up woe is me. Life sucks. And just knowing what your baseline is and knowing what your non-negotiables are is really important. 

Karen: Are there ways to recognize I know you talk about doing the self work, which is really important, but then when you're dating.

To recognize either like those red flags or those poor wounds that might be in someone else. Are there ways that you can pick up on those maybe faster? Save yourself a little time. 

Amy: Yeah and it's tricky, right? Because it's like I, coach clients. We have to maintain the balance of the awe and the joy and the, I want people laughing on dates, but also pivoting into some of the more serious stuff.

I think one of the best ways is to, I have clients ask people what was your last relationship, your big one? why did it end? What did you learn about yourself? In the disintegration of that and what role did you play? So it's interesting [00:34:00] because it's just the entry point.

If someone can communicate, you know what, we weren't very aligned. I realized I was doing X, Y, Z, I, went to therapy. Then at least you know you have an entry point. Then when, if you're on date five and six and seven, you're now asking about family. You're asking about relationships in the family.

Like you're able to put the pieces together, but right off the bat, if someone's not willing to talk about it or if they're blaming their ex and they're kind of name calling, then it's just a non-starter. Then you can just cut bait and you can cut bait on date three, not three months in. Yes.

Robyn: We talked a little bit about how most people come to you and they're not even recognizing , how much has been influenced by old emotional wounds from when they were younger. How do you help somebody overcome that and really recognize it and move on from that?

Amy: Yeah, it's a great question. So the biggest learnings I think are, I am an on-demand coach, so I have like weekly FaceTimes with my clients, but [00:35:00] like I leave space to be on demand. What that means is I know I wake up and I know who has a date with who, tonight, tomorrow, what's going on? And so I'm connecting with my clients right after the date or the next day.

I, when they are recounting the date back to me, and he asked me this. I'm like how'd you answer it? And I can tell where their blocks are. I can say to them, wow, do you see that? You avoided that question. Do you know what's going on? So in real time, over the course of four months.

That's the best way for me. As there as Rumi says as you begin walking, the path appears. So I just need to begin walking with my clients, setting updates, and then all the blind spots and the blocks and the, the past stuff will all bubble up. And that's when the magic happens. 

Robyn: That is so awesome.

I was gonna ask where that fell into the process as far as them going on dates. So I love that it's going on as you're 

Amy: coaching, like no one wants to do it. They're like waiting for the perfect, like we're sharing script. [00:36:00] Yeah. They're like, no, I'm like.

They're in the zone we're doing because we just have to get going. Like we're practicing. we're not sitting back waiting for the perfect, it doesn't exist like you have to move your energy forward. You have to show up and. Then that vibration will be matched. So it's a completely different process and it feels really uncomfortable to people.

Like, why am I wasting my time? I don't know that I would've ever swiped on him. Guess what? The last 10 of my clients who found their people online all said the same thing. Because we're trying to extract some sort of energy from a dating profile, we can't. So it's a completely, like I flipped the whole thing on its head.

Karen: Do you feel like a lot of your clients, when they do find that right person, are surprised that it's the person that they've been looking for? Is there that sense of, oh, I, probably never would've thought that this would've been the right person for me, or is this more like, Nope, this is the person I envisioned all along.

Amy: they all say the same thing. I never would've swiped on them. This is not the package I expected. I didn't know he'd have a kid or I, [00:37:00] because we're so biased, we have this, even if we say it's a question on my intake, do you have a vision of the person? And they're like. No, not really. And during the work, I'm like, oh boy, yes you do.

And so that's why I'm right next to them. Nope, we're gonna go for it. I know you've never dated a guy like this, or, whatever it is. And then after they get over that hump of whoa, we're really aligned oh my gosh, like this is easy and flowy. And then it's yeah, this makes total sense, but I have to get 'em over that hump.

Robyn: Yeah. do a lot of people come to you and go this is my list? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Because I'm always surprised by that.., I think that's interesting.

Amy: It's also like this fuzzy it's just. We're biased, based on our, the way we grew up and our family and our friends and who they're with and our dads and all of it. So it's just an interesting, like I have my clients use their inside voice, but just tell me what they're thinking as we're reviewing profiles and it's so hilarious.

'cause people aren't their profiles [00:38:00] at all. People are really bad at this and as long as they're in the zone, they just check a few boxes. We're gonna say hi, you can always unmatch, it's fine. But I'll have them say to me. Oh no. He's not funny. My mom would never like him. No.

It's. talk about our, the voice in our head not being us, but we are dictated by it. So I crack up and I'm like, I let them finish. I'm like, okay, we're still gonna swipe right on this one. 'cause none of that is true. And so I think people get paralyzed. They get in their own way. And when I hear this all the time, there's nobody good on the apps.

There's nobody good at all in real life. It's like simply not the case. We're just really in our way. 

Karen: Wow. What surprised you the most about what you're doing in this job? Did you ever expect that this would be your calling in life and that you would be 

Amy: doing this? Every day I literally say, I get to do this.

I can't believe I get to do this. It is I feel so lucky to have found my purpose, and this is clearly it. And no I just can't believe it. I'm in awe all day. 

Karen: I can see that because you are so [00:39:00] authentic and genuine in your being as Amy, that people would trust that you would have the right insight and be able to guide them in this way.

I think people, so many like we said at the very beginning, just aren't taught and given the tools, when we start off on this journey of looking for that. Right person in our lives of where to look and how to start and to really start with our own self , let alone thinking about our core values.

Like I'm gonna have to take that quiz, but there's so much in this that I think people don't realize that they're lacking when they start the journey. So it's just wild to me 'cause 

Amy: it's arguably the most important choice of our lives. Yes. Yes, really. And we're not making space for it.

We're not focusing on it. We don't know how to do it. I think there's shame in having made mistakes. people have a lot of shame over. I made horrible mistakes in my love life and. Lots of damage. So it's again that, forgiveness. But yeah, I want people to know that finding love doesn't have to be hard and horrible and soul sucking.

It can actually be a spiritual [00:40:00] journey that is filled with like love and light and joy. And I get to witness my clients all the time. Like I know my angels are on the journey because. It is stunning. Like I have five of my clients currently who all found their person during, that's rare. It's four months.

It's short time, but it's just stunning. So I know I, have help because it's amazing. If you read the headlines, it's really discouraging. The Wall Street Journal just wrote another article about women not finding love, and so it's, I just see the opposite.

I see the opposite. 

Robyn: And would you say the people that end up finding you, are they people for the most part, who have been in other longstanding relationships that didn't work out? Are they people who've never been married? I'm sure it runs the gamut, that 

Amy: stuns me too. 'cause I, so my clients are 25 to 81.

Oh, this is what I wanted to know. I was so curious. Five all over the country and now in other countries, and if you boil [00:41:00] it down, if half are in the, the most populated areas. Half are 30 something who have frozen their eggs many times and have put their career first and are freaking out.

And the other half are like me, might have kids and in their forties plus. So two very different groups, but equally as bewildered. But I have to tell you, I mean I had a client, she came to me at 65, her husband had died and we found this amazing guy unmatched and. He actually passed away and then she came back to me and she found another love.

And we have many soulmates. , I think a lot of people feel like I missed my chance, I screwed it up. And so they just move forward thinking, this is it. I don't deserve it. There's no way I can have it. And I'm here to say, oh my gosh, love is abundant. It's everywhere. 

Robyn: I love what you said, that we have many soulmates. Can you just expand on that for a moment? I was 

Karen: gonna [00:42:00] ask that because I wonder if people really believe that, like if they're looking for that one person, but you think there's many that's 

Amy: what we're taught, right?

That's another Disney is where it's oh my gosh, the prince, the princess, and oh, I see it all the time. Soulmates can be your friends, they can be animals, they can be relatives. I'm soulmates with so many different people and in love, it just makes sense, it just makes sense.

And so I interviewed for my podcast this one medium and psychic Mallory. And we were just talking and she said. She sees it, she can actually see the next soulmate coming, so it's 

Nada: she doesn't 

Amy: necessarily tell people guess what, but she can jump timelines and see the next one.

So I think people get stuck in I made a mistake, I missed it. I missed my chance, or I said no to that date, or, that's not possible. If you said no to the date, it's 'cause you were supposed to say no to the date. Someone will say, I meant to swipe right on someone and I by accident, swipe left.

I've seen so many instances where that same person they missed pops up in a different way. Yeah. Either in [00:43:00] life or on another app. It's like you can't miss what's meant for you if you are being intentional. I can't, we have free will. If you're gonna barricade yourself in your house, then I cannot help you.

But if you are being intentional. Then you can let go of the reins. Guess what? It's a lot more fun. See what the universe can help you with. Like the universe just wants you to have exactly what you want. We're the ones in our own way. So my whole job, if you really boil it down, is to help people understand their worth, And when their vision meets their worth, that's when it happens. 

Robyn: That is the best 

Karen: I've heard. 

Robyn: Yes. And the idea that we have soulmates in all aspects of our lives. Like we really have the opportunity. And if it so happens that what you're really looking for is in this type of partnership, there's abundance.

Amy: Right? And why would that be any different? I have people go through this exercise of what have you manifested in your life already? Like amazing, magical things. We just don't think of it that [00:44:00] way. Someone will come to me and say, I don't believe in manifesting, I don't believe in energy work.

And I'll say tell me about something that just happened. You like focused on it and you made it happen. You're like I chose this college when I was 10 and I said, I'm getting into Stanford. it's just so they focus their energy and they. Matched it with action.

So it's like this is no different. So I have a whole manifesting module that I do with clients, and it's really witchy and fun. 

Robyn: What a gift that you are giving people, not only with the opportunity to find someone to spend. A good chunk of their life with, but also to really reconnect with who they are at their essence.

That is so important. That's why we do what we do. So we all, at some point, I feel get a little off track, or there's some sort of crossroads moment for multiple reasons that has you question, why am I here? Who am I? And you are really giving people the opportunity in such a safe, sacred space.[00:45:00] 

To find themselves, to come back to who they really are and then just live an even more abundant life in terms of fulfillment and joy and all of that. 

Amy: Oh, thank you. And you guys really understand. So I really appreciate that and allowing me to speak from this place. It's just so much more fulsome in terms of what I do, so I really appreciate that.

And that's so true. When I work with clients, it's amazing. Like they'll switch careers during our time together. They'll rediscover a part of them that was lost, they never thought they were creative, and then something shifts in them. And so I get to witness all of it and like I have a client who just got engaged and She called me up and she said, I figured out what you are. If a love coach, a life coach and an energy healer had a baby, that would be you. And I'm like, yeah, that's about right. Yeah, that's about, yeah, that sounds about 

Robyn: right. Wow. Because that is what you're unearthing something for people and it's really that unlocking and reconnecting, it's all of that.

and I [00:46:00] would have to imagine. Those people they're led to you and they're ready to do the work. Most of them, if they're gonna put in the time, the money, the effort, all of that, their soul is ready. It's like a divine timed. 

Karen: Part. And then at the end of the day, what they're gaining is much more than a relationship.

Yes, that's exactly, that's right. They're gaining that understanding of who they are, and that's setting the relationship up for the long run and themselves. 

Amy: Yeah. Gives them that confidence in themselves that they can trust themselves moving forward. That even if this relationship doesn't end up working out, that they're gonna be okay.

That's when I know they're ready to fly away from the nest, because it's I just want them to see their magic. And it's funny, I do four different information sessions every week to see if I'm aligned to work with someone. I refuse to do video and people beg me, they're like, but I'm really cute.

I want to show you. And I'm like, I know, I'm sure you're cute, but I only do phone because I'm reading energy. And I just want to see where they are on that continuum. [00:47:00] 'cause I do say no sometimes if I feel like they just need to do a little bit more therapeutic work before they come to me.

But one of the questions I will ask is, do you believe in unexplained magic in the world? 

Karen: I love that you asked 

Amy: that. I'm so glad you asked that. And it's not are you spiritual? That's a very, that can be a triggering question for people like 'cause of religion and spirituality. And so just do you believe that there's some things you can't explain in the world and it's just a little bit of magic and if someone says yes to that then we're good.

cause I can work with that. 

Robyn: I'm so glad you brought up the phone part of the process because you really are connecting in with that essence, with that soul. Yeah. And without distraction. 

Amy: Yeah. It's 

Robyn: the 

Amy: distraction that I don't want and I don't want the performance to get in the way of someone, so it's a phone call. 

Robyn: What is your favorite piece of advice that you've ever received, whether it's about love or life? 

Amy: there's so many, I think this is more recent for me, but [00:48:00] it's Anisha. Anisha is a Buddhist term that means impermanence. So everything is impermanent.

So if something is going spectacularly well in your life and you're having an amazing moment, just savor it. Really lean into it and celebrate it. Don't wish it away, or just let it go. It's savor it. Then you can be having one of the worst weeks of your whole life and it is impermanent, know that will shift.

Know that in a week from now, you'll probably feel a little bit better in a month from now. You definitely will. we just get lost in that. Brett actually has a tattoo of Anisha on his arm, but I love that reminder. 

Karen: Yes, I love that too. Isn't it funny how we can always be present when things are terrible?

Like we're in it when it's terrible and when it's so awesome, it's like our heads are already fleeting away into something else. So you're so right. That's such a good reminder. 

Amy: Yeah, 

Karen: and it's so true. 

Amy: It's almost like people get, they call it superstitious. They don't wanna hold onto it too tightly.

'cause there's [00:49:00] a fear and my best friend Katie and I will. often leave each other a voice note when something amazing happens and say, I want you to celebrate. How are you gonna celebrate this? How are we celebrating today? How are we gonna slow down and feel this and savor it? 

Robyn: That is such a good reminder.

 So what are the best ways for people to find you work with you? Because I know you have books, obviously. You have this whole process process that we talked about. You have the podcast. 

Amy: Everything that anyone needs is just on my website, which is love amy.co co. 

Robyn: And follow you on Instagram. 

It's 

Amy: love. Amy do NYC on Instagram and if anyone wants to DM me, I will send you the core values quiz. I'll send you my mini meditation. So just DM me. I'm happy to do that. To do that. Aw, 

Karen: thanks Amy.

Oh my 

Robyn: goodness. I'm so grateful to be connected. I'm too, this was one of my very favorite interviews. This 

Karen: is just, these are so incredible. Oh, so same. Your love, and your light exudes from you, and so it does. It's gonna shine [00:50:00] for everybody who I'm sure you work with who's drawn to Listen, I'm so excited.

I know. I'm 

Robyn: excited to be on this journey now with you and, to share. We, there's so much that we can share in terms of our different journeys and experiences that can help anybody that we're all working with. So thank you for what you're doing. Thank you for following that flow and yeah, thank you guys too.

I love what you're doing. I think it's just incredible. Thank you. Thank you.