Seeking Center: The Podcast

From Burnout to Breakthrough: How ESPN’s Toni Collins Duffy Found Her Way Back to Herself - Episode 161

• Robyn Miller Brecker, Karen Loenser, Lizzi Cutler, Antoinetta Collins Duffy • Season 2 • Episode 161

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On Seeking Center, we’re all about uncovering the deeper layers of life—together. We talk about the moments that break us open, the people who help guide us back to ourselves, and the practices that support us along the way.

Today’s episode is personal, powerful, and full of truth.

Robyn's honored to be joined by Toni Collins Duffy—you may recognize her from ESPN or Univision. She spent years in front of the camera, working in high-profile roles. But behind the scenes, she was navigating an entirely different journey—one of inner disconnection and a quiet, but growing awareness that something needed to change.

That change came through her work with Lizzi Cutler—you all know her as a Seeking Center guide, extraordinary intuitive and energy healing practitioner. Through their sessions together, Toni began to peel back the layers, heal deep-rooted trauma, and reconnect with the strength and truth that had been within her all along—across lifetimes.

And so today, we get to witness that journey—together. Toni and Lizzi are both here to share this powerful story: of spiritual awakening, of soul remembrance, and of healing that begins from the inside out.

✨ Whether you're feeling stuck, burned out, or like you're living a life that no longer feels like your own — this episode is for you. It’s a reminder that there is a path back to your center — and you're never alone in finding it. ✨

We dive into:

  • What it’s really like behind the glam of a high-profile career.
  • How self-criticism and fear can take root — and how energy work helps heal them.
  • The transformational power of listening to your inner voice (even when it’s scary).
  • How to begin remembering who you truly are — and step back into your own light.

Spoiler alert: It’s not just about changing your life — it’s about coming home to yourself. And that version of you is absolutely unstoppable. 💥

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You can also follow Seeking Center on Instagram @theseekingcenter.

Robyn: [00:00:00] I'm Robyn Miller Brecker and I'm Karen Loenser. Welcome to Seeking Center, the podcast. Join us each week as we have the conversations and we, through the spiritual and holistic clutter for you, we'll boil it down to what you need to know now, we're all about total wellness, which to us needs building a healthy life.

Karen: On a physical, mental, and spiritual level, we'll talk to the trailblazers who'll introduce you to the practices, products, and experiences that may be just what you need to hear about to transform your life. If you're listening to this, it's no accident. Think of this as your seeking center and your place to seek your center.

Robyn: And for the best wellness and spiritual practitioners, experts, products, experiences, and inspo, visit theseekingcenter. com. On Seeking Center, we're all about uncovering the deepest layers of life. Together, we talk about the moments that break us open, the people who guide us back to ourselves, and the practices that support us along the way. Today's episode is [00:01:00] personal, powerful, and full of truth.

I am honored to be joined by Toni Collins, Duffy. You may recognize her from ESPN or Univision. She spent years in front of the camera working in high profile broadcast journalism roles. But behind the scenes, she was navigating an entirely different journey, one of inner disconnection and a quiet, but growing awareness that something needed to change.  

that change, came through her work with Lizzi Cutler. You all know her as a Seeking Center guide, extraordinary intuitive and energy healing practitioner. 

Through their sessions together, toni began to peel back the layers, heal deep rooted trauma, and reconnect with the strength and truth that had been within her all along across lifetimes. And so today we get to witness that journey together.

Toni and Lizzi are both here to share this powerful story of spiritual awakening, of soul remembrance, and of healing that begins from the inside out. Whether you're feeling stuck, burned out, [00:02:00] or like you're living a life that no longer feels like your own, this episode is for you.

It's a reminder that there is a path back to your center and you're never alone in finding it. Let's dive in. Hi Toni. Hi, Lizzi. Hi ladies. Hi. Very excited for this one. Yes, thank you for Thank you. Oh my goodness. Thank you for being willing to share your journey and for both of you to talk about the work you've done together.

And Toni, thank you for being brave in taking that step to transform your life. can you talk about that? 'cause you spent so many years in front of the camera and there was so much going on that no one would know. So what did it look like to others? And then 

what was actually going on inside? 

Toni: Yeah, it's a little bit different being on the other side now being asked questions but yeah. Of course on the outside my life probably looked pretty great. I was the daughter of I am still a daughter of a successful journalist following in her footsteps.

I made it to [00:03:00] national television with Univision, the Spanish network, where my mom still works today I had success covering sports for their top shows and it was like the equivalent of being on their versions of Good Morning America or their sports center, or their Entertainment Tonight style shows.

And I would do their sports segments. Eventually I make the leap to ESPN , and I worked my way up there and I had opportunities to host their flagship shows. And be the backup on sports Center. And then, on social media, that became a thing. And it was smiles and, the behind the scenes vlogs, the laughs, the shiny like highlight reel of the industry.

But internally it was a little bit different experience for me. There were genuine moments of joy, of course, with my colleagues and the laughs and stuff. But once those cameras stopped and the posts were up and I got to, drive home by myself replaying the feedback from after the shows, the meetings and the comments from my coworkers that I would hear.

And then [00:04:00] the fear of did I do good enough? And all my mistakes that I kept replaying in my head over and over. 'cause I'd be home alone. And I just, that's all I would do. that fear would morph into a torment. And that was what I would do after all that was said and done, 

Robyn: oh. And yeah, you had no one to share it with in terms of what you were feeling too, right? So you would feel that and then it would just stay in you, right? From an energetic perspective, wouldn't you say Liz?

Yeah.   

Lizzi: Yes. And there's one thing that I really wanna point out about what Toni just said, the replaying comments, which I think for those of us that are overthinkers, like I've started considering myself a professional overthinker and like the second best thing and the overthinking the stakes.

Like to me it feels so high just like I leave Passover Seder and I think, oh God, why did I just say that to so and and did they take it the wrong way? And I play it in my head for Toni, she's on camera saying this on live. National TV to an audience of, I don't know that it matters, but to an audience of mostly [00:05:00] men who are then commenting on her social media in real time, and the stakes of that and the fallout of that. I think even if you have someone to come home to and someone says, babe, it's okay. You did a great job. That's not gonna solve the issue. 

Toni: Yeah. And you're told you're just supposed to have tough skin.

You're going into this industry, and , they're just keyword warriors, but I don't know, I would still look at the bad comments. The good comments, who cares? So yeah. It would just like, it was a storm in my head and just fall asleep to that, 

Robyn: yeah. And it was, you had both the comments from a social perspective. As well as whatever you're being directed by, those that you are working for, So you're surrounded by it because of the pressure, I come from a TV background as well. I know how high those stakes can be. And I wasn't necessarily even working in a very male dominated industry, which you were, you broke through in an industry that is really difficult for women, and so the pressure is even [00:06:00] higher. So I would imagine you're feeling all of it, which is huge.

That's a lot. Yes, have tough skin and we're human and we're souls, it's all of it, 

Lizzi: yeah. And just as a side note, Toni, you were on a network speaking English, which is your second language. Yeah. So as a journalist where your words, every single word matters, your timing, your pronunciation, all of that matters.

And this is your second language. 

Toni: That was another added insecurity and pressure. And the fear of it was all these stories in my head, being let go, am I good enough? And everything just piled into that. But then, wake up and do it again and smile and you could do it.

And oh my gosh. 

Robyn: I mean that amount the energy it takes to put that smile on is tremendous. And then be in quotes. Perfect. Yeah. That would get to anybody. So the fact that you did it for as long as you did is a testament to your strength and your perseverance. So how old [00:07:00] were you when you began?  

Mid thirties. 

Toni: When I began at ESPN 30, when I began working with Lizzi and all this stuff, was mid thirties. Like 35, 36. Around that age is when I started to all just it was like a hurricane, starting to form inside of me. 

Robyn: Yeah. Because to me it's even starting earlier, right?

When you were at your Univision days. 

Toni: Oh yeah. but. I felt like there I was like a functioning mess. What did I say, Lizzi? You were 

Lizzi: functioning in the dysfunction. 

Toni: Yeah, functioning in the 

Lizzi: dysfunction. 

Toni: I was young, so I don't know if I wasn't as in tune with everything and I just thought it was like go.

And as I got older , I don't know if more feeling, more soul, more everything just started to knock and hey. 

Robyn: And it was so normalized., I was just gonna say that Lizzi, there's so many levels to that, right? In your twenties and growing up, because you grew up with a mother who was a very successful and is a very successful journalist, that's what you thought was normal, and then you're in it.

And so again, you think it's [00:08:00] normal. And even if it is normal, it doesn't mean it feels right or feels good. that's the thing is we think we're supposed to just accept it. 

All: Yeah. I 

Robyn: think what people who may not be from the news world, specifically the pace of things is . It's almost like a 24 hour job. that pace and it stays with you. . And compounded with any of these thoughts, 

Toni: and to piggy off what you said, that pace, because like they're always tell you, and it's always known that there's someone right behind you trying to take your spot.

no matter the age the experience, they're always telling you someone else will do it. And and you're just like 

Robyn: that's right. And so to me, this started even earlier for you because it came from that too, that job at ESPN, which was even a higher stakes type of position.

Yeah. 

Lizzi: I don't think that Toni, in your professional career, I don't know that you've ever had moments of it not being there. the chase of either keep up with the pace or somebody else will. There was never any kind of compassion [00:09:00] of yeah, you're gonna get there. It's okay. 

Toni: No, because I think with Univision it was a lot like you're here because of your mom, because we share the same name.

And that was the biggest thing. My mom was a lot in the first central part. You're only here because of this. And it was that chase to no, I'm gonna prove everybody I'm here because I'm good.

And hence why I leave the Spanish media world and jump to the English on my own, but then that it was I wasn't good enough. I was never good enough in my brain. But yeah, was always chasing to be a good enough to prove yeah, I was 

Robyn: a good enough.

Even too, I would imagine and Lizzi, you can speak to this too, from having worked with Toni that there's also the good enough to your mom. There's that whole relationship, which is a whole other different level of things, right? Proving not just to yourself, not to the world, but to her.

Toni: Yeah. Always. Yeah. Yeah.   

Lizzi: When any client comes to me there's like the initial session of feeling it out. What is this person seeking? What is it that they're looking for, and how can I best serve? And where do we [00:10:00] start that? I'm begging my guides. Show me the door here.

Which, it's like I see a hallway of all these doors and I'm like, okay, show me where to start so that this is the most impactful in the path of least resistance. Let's get her there fastest. And I think with most, I am like coming up with this new term that I'm noticing. It's like a type A empath.

So Toni came to me and I could tell that she was hustler, right? She knew how to go and get it. She knew how to push herself. She knew how to keep shoving the square peg into the round hole. And she wasn't gonna stop until she got to wherever. It finally felt okay, now I'm valuable. Now I am worthy.

Now I'm enough. I've proven myself. I've gone above and I don't think that you were ever seeking to get like above or beyond your mom, but there was an element of I need to prove that I'm actually good enough to be here. 

Toni: Yeah, 

Lizzi: and I think everyone listening who either is, on track to become a CEO or wants to be a C-suite person in their field, like any that type A personality who also [00:11:00] happens to have that hint of wait

I can also feel other people's energy. I can also there's something else happening here that no one is acknowledging, and I feel very alone in this world here, and no one's saying the thing, but no one's feeling that. And that's an extra layer to me of the confusion and the challenge around coming home to ourselves.

If that makes sense. Yeah. So when Toni showed up to me, it felt here's this very sweet, very genuine, pure kind. Almost like when you meet, you guys aren't gonna get this, but Robin has recently adopted one of the kindest animals I've ever met in my life. Her name is Lucy. She's a 2-year-old lab who doesn't know.

She's a 2-year-old lab she's a healer. And to me, Toni had that energy of just soft and kind and could easily burst in with ego. She's on freaking tv, like every [00:12:00] guy I've dated knows who she is because they're obsessed with watching SportsCenter all day. And it's like Toni doesn't know any of that exists, so she's got that type a hustle, but she's also got this empath side of her.

This like mystical spiritual side. And finding the way in was really interesting and really unique in that way. And I think that like I'm finding that these are my favorite people to work with. 

Because I think we all have that. 

Robyn: Absolutely. And yeah. Toni, when did you realize you needed some help that something was starting to shift?

Toni: It was like towards my mid thirties and age wise. But then one of my colleagues, and she was a top anchor, at ESPN. She noticed and she took the time being so busy, so in her own world too, and showed genuine concern for me and offer to help me.

And that's when something cracked for me. I was like, oh my gosh, she's noticing that. 'cause I thought I was a master hide her at this. I smiled, I giggled, I laughed, and [00:13:00] then that began to make me sense. Like the others around me were like, they felt sorry for me.

Oh my god, poor Toni, she's so insecure. Or I don't know if I was making this in my head but that was, I started to even add more insecurity, the perception haunted me that oh like Toni's always saying, sorry, Toni's shrinking and I felt I was just becoming more humiliating 

and then I remember this coworker, she's talk to this girl. she can help you. And she kept like pushing me to it. And I think just the contrast version of. What the world saw versus what I felt. And I couldn't keep having both realities and I just kept getting nudged and nudged.  

Robyn: did your colleague at work give you some insight into what Lizzi did? 

Toni: She said, talk to her feel her out.

See what she's about. She explained it a little bit, she said that she was helping her but everybody was unique to other way. no strings attached, if it's not for you. She made it very generic. 

I think I was just wanting to talk.

I had no one to talk to. I couldn't talk to my. Mother, because my [00:14:00] mom, she doesn't believe in this stuff. she doesn't believe in therapy or any of that stuff. she was not there really? 'cause for her it was like, hard work. No say yes to work. 

I'd be like, me being a wimp if I told her I'm complaining, look where you're at. You've made it like, suck it up, type of thing. I couldn't really talk to her. I felt bad complaining with my friends because I had a good, you're on tv you get your hair and makeup done every day.

Toni: you have this life. So I had no one really to talk to, and I was just like, I'm getting this number 

Robyn: yeah, it was, like basically handed to you. Yeah, from what I would say, like a guide. Really it was coming from somewhere else and it was like, however it could get to you, it got to you.

Toni: And it was from someone like, oh my gosh. She's noticing me oh wow. 

Robyn: Yeah. I wanna point that out to people who may be listening, who may be in a similar place where they feel alone and they don't feel like they have anyone to talk to.

And if you get the nudge and there's even an inkling, there's a reason you're getting the nudge. There's someone is trying to [00:15:00] get through to you to get you help.  

And so to me this is like a lifeline, right? So then what happens? You reach out. 'cause I think what's incredible about Lizzi is that she's able to approach things to appeal to someone where they are.

so Lizzi, you're gonna come to someone and say, I will help you get unstuck. I don't need to tell you that I'm gonna do all this energy work yet, but we'll get there. Yeah. 

Toni: Yeah, I went into the first session, not knowing what to expect. I'm trying to track it all proper.

Like I had it all together hoping that she wouldn't think I was completely falling apart. I got it together. I just need a little Oh wow. 

 

Toni: I'll talk about some stuff. Nothing. But once I dropped that guard down, I think it was a wave of relief. I know I cried. I went back then that was the beginning of something , but I did feel like I could exhale and it was for the first time in a long time and I didn't feel judged and I think, oh, 

Robyn: now I'm gonna cry.

Toni: And I think it was like, oh wow. I remember I gave stuff a voice. Like we were talking things out loud this is why I feel, and this is why it happened. And giving something voice made [00:16:00] me give it compassion, which made me give myself compassion. But that was one little step. 

Robyn: And isn't that amazing that your whole life had been using your voice, but in a totally different way?

The irony of that, I can't even, wow. Yeah. Lizzi, do you remember?   

Lizzi: I remember. I know for all of my clients that come in, I think that one of the things that I hear for them, because I'm talking to your higher self, so I'm being directed, like start here, like I said, with the, the hallway of doors.

I'm shown where to start. So I think some people are so afraid of starting this work because it feels like I'm gonna make you jump off a cliff, and that's never. Where your guides want you to go. They never want you to take on more than what's absolutely appropriate and helpful for you. And with Toni, it was very much like this girl forgot who she is and has been guided off track.

Just gently [00:17:00] start nudging her back to her path and then she'll be great. Just show this girl how to thrive again. I think giving those memories of voice was great. And I think that it's a little bit different than therapy in the sense that what we're doing in these sessions is essentially finding what wants to be heard first.

and this is where I think that this is different from therapy. I'm not waiting for you to get there. I'm gonna say, talk to me about this because I'm hearing it right. So I'm hearing from Toni's guides get her to start talking about. High school, so a session with me starts with, okay, gimme your story of origin.  

as a client is telling me, I'm seeing things be highlighted. Okay, we're gonna go back to this. Got it. Okay. We're gonna go into this. Got it. then as we're going through edits, I might have said to Toni talk to me about the fear of being confident and you guys like, here's this woman who shows up, stunningly gorgeous, gets her hair and makeup done every day, has amazing outfits.

Thank God I didn't look at your Instagram. 'cause I probably would've been intimidated by you. , for all I [00:18:00] know, she's living this massive, glamorous, incredible life on screen. And what I was hearing was, no, meet her where she is, show her that where she is okay and we're about to unlock the door to bring her back home.  

Robyn: And Toni.  

Do you feel, at that point you were at a breaking point? 

Toni: A thousand percent. I felt empty. I felt like a ghost inside. I didn't have anyone to turn to. and that's what's crazy like but I didn't see the nudge. Then you said the nudge and that was like, oh my God, that was such a nudge. But I was just lost. every day, routine, the same thing.

Yeah. Just put yourself to sleep and wake up again and do the same thing. 

Robyn: I bring that up because I've had my own, what I call like my soul is dying moment. And I've come across many others that have come through at least my path, that have had similar, and there was an emptiness.

There was almost for me, , I don't know how I keep going. And to the outside world, it seemed like I had it all. and so you and there was no one that I could complain to. Even [00:19:00] though I actually have an amazing partner and all the things, I felt like I couldn't, I wanna 

Lizzi: Be clear about that because I think that's an important piece.

Like in my mind, I'm a single person. I live alone. I work on my own. So my world, to me, when I say that I feel lonely, it's because like I don't have a lot of human interaction during the day unless I force it. But I think what you guys are talking about and what's important to hear is that burnout moment or that like soul dying moment, when you say you don't have anyone to talk to, it's not like Robyn, you have a million friends, and Toni you worked with like really kind people it's not like you didn't have anyone to say it to.

It's that it felt like no one got it when you said it. 

Robyn: That is the right way of putting it and almost now that , you're saying it out loud. I couldn't admit it. 

Lizzi: And I think that's what it was for Toni too. It's that We've checked all these boxes. I'm supposed to be happy. I can't be the one to say I hate this. 

This is what we've all fought for. That's right. 

Robyn: And for me , Toni, I had a nudge that leads to where I [00:20:00] am now for sure. If it wasn't for that nudge and for that breakdown, honestly, I would definitely not be talking to you right now, and I wouldn't be who I am.

So I, we can look at things, Several years down the road and you can look back and be like, thank God for that moment, . And I just wanna hug that, person, I wanna hug her, And I think that's where you are. So you start working with Lizzi and what starts to happen for you as you are saying this out loud, as you are actually getting in touch with 

Lizzi: all of that energy.

I also wanna say that we started and we were doing edits, and Toni was like, lizzi, I don't know what these are. I don't understand what you're doing. And really it was such a leap of faith of I don't care if it works, let it work and just go, 

she wasn't listening to podcasts like Seeking Center, like she was very much in what I call like the normal world. 

Toni: I was like I guess I'll nap for three minutes and then I'll wake up. And then [00:21:00] I was like, oh no, this thing's working. Like I'm actually, and then I started getting it.

Lizzi: Let me actually explain to the listeners. So what we're doing in these sessions, I call edits and I'll give the client a specific fear or belief or doubt that seems very I wanna say like innocuous, and so it, feels neutral, but then when you go back and look, you're like, holy crap, all these things happened when I was a kid. That yeah, that makes sense that I have that fear. So I'm essentially getting your adult self to see what your child self went through and programmed all these alarm systems in place.

But when I say it to you as an adult, you're like, yeah, I'm not afraid of that. And so I bring up the fear. I ask you to sit with it for a few minutes while I'm guiding you through, and then you come out of it and we talk about it for a little bit. So that's what Toni's saying by the three minute nap.

Toni: I didn't know, and Now I'm a pro at. 

Robyn: I love that you're both bringing up that you don't actually have to know what Lizzi's doing for it to work at first. You know what I mean? It will always work, and as you [00:22:00] start to understand it's actually making a difference, then you're like, wait, what are you doing?

Yeah. I'd really like to understand, but you actually don't need to know.   

No. 

Toni: It's the journey, right? . Yeah.   

Robyn: And trusting yourself enough to just do it. And then you start to say, okay, there's something even bigger going on, so I'm gonna trust whatever that is that brought me here to do it.

so then what happens? So then you start doing this work. How often are you doing it? And what kind of results are you seeing in your life? 

Toni: So with Lizzi, I do edits every two weeks and then a call in between. And see what happened in the week and what triggers have happened and how I've handled them.

Because you talked about what patterns have happened and I still deal with imposter syndrome. I still deal with my insecurities. I recently just did a freelance gig in Miami. I hosted for fba, which is the Federal International Basketball Association. 

And the triggers came up again, I was in Telemundo the rival for Univision. And all these [00:23:00] women are beautiful. They all have their hair and makeup. They know their style. I live in a ranch with animals, barely get hair and makeup done.

And like just watching everybody, I'm like, they're so beautiful. And they're all so pro. I haven't done any hosting in a year, so that's when, we'll have a call, Hey, how did you handle this?

Or what did you do? That's our work. We stay consistent with that work, 

Robyn: What I would love for people to understand is from doing the work, what ended up happening for you and your life? Because I think because of the knowing that you could make change, you could understand who you are.

You were able to make some really courageous moves in your life? 

 What do you start to know about yourself?

Toni: it's ironic, right? 'cause I am communications and journalist, but I started finding my voice a thousand percent, both professionally and spiritually. Professionally, in that am worth it. I am to par with my colleagues spiritually that I am as [00:24:00] pure and I am the Toni, that is meant to be not the Toni that I shrink.

 The Toni that IS shrink is the Toni that's supposed to be shining, that's what I've learned and being honest with ourselves and not the shame of what others might think of me. That's the honesty that doesn't come naturally to me.

So it was that layer that I have to still work with and peel, because I always worry about what others perceive of me. And so shedding that layer has been a process and it's been such a hard one. And that's the one that we continue to work on daily , even after all these years.

 I'm far from fixed and that's what we continue to like work on 

Lizzi: yeah. One of the things I noticed in the beginning when we were first working together was for you, one of the common spirals that you would get into was if you mispronounce something on screen and then your producers would say it was no big deal.

It was fine. And you would be thinking about it for three more weeks. Oh, and what we really worked on was like, okay, but if they said it's okay, what if you believe them? What if you actually [00:25:00] let that be enough and drop it? Because what Toni had was like, I need to remember that I screwed up and be extra hard on myself so I don't screw up again because I'm the Spanish speaking girl who made it to ESPN and I can't screw up.

The stakes are too high. So that pressure alone and this works in every industry. If you're telling yourself that there's no room to screw up, you're looking for the screw up, and the universe has to say yes and show you the screw up. So you're gonna find it somewhere. And what we were really working on was, okay, let's say you pronounced the word wrong.

And I was like, Toni, how many times that we're talking, do I mispronounce a word or do I not know what a word means? Or do I stumble and stutter a little bit? And I speak English as my first and only language. And so why is it that you, like we essentially were making her expectations on herself not make sense.

So it wasn't that she didn't care because she still very much cared, but I noticed that the [00:26:00] recovery process was faster. And that's what we're still working on today and what we're all working on. But what was initially happening was, you're allowed to ask, how do I pronounce this word?

And you're allowed to say, Hey, this is a challenging sequence of words for me. Can we rewrite it? Or you're allowed to say, this actually doesn't work for me and I don't love it when you speak to me like that, which was like dumbfounding for Toni. Wait, that's allowed. So it was really about changing the old beliefs of what you had to deal with and the essentially the shit you had to take and reprogramming it to make yourself an equal instead of having everyone on the super high pedestal.

It's so easy for them and it's effortless for them, and I'm just running, five times as fast to fall in last place.   

Yeah. 

Robyn: it also makes me think of you had to figure out how to speak for yourself, stand up for yourself, and then what seems to me, having conversations prior to today.

The [00:27:00] universe was showing you things in an even more escalated way. So to that point of that, people don't know how much work would go into you then showing up and smiling and being all in quotes again. Perfect. You were getting up at points of this career at ESPN at two something in the morning so that you could have hair and makeup done for you at whatever time that was, and then be showing up for work at 4:00 AM and then being on air and sometimes like literally being on air almost all day until you would get a few hours of sleep and doing that over and over again.

And so that kind of work, 

Lizzi: And being expected to perform on very little sleep. And this was something that shocked me. They were writing their own scripts. Which, I don't know why that surprised me, but I figured at ES, ESPN, it was like you walked in and some like sports nerd wrote [00:28:00] the script and handed it to them, 

Toni: yeah.

What was tough is that I was paired up with an amazing co-anchor. I love him, and he was so good. He is a veteran. He was older, he could do it in a heartbeat. And it took me so much longer and stuff. was the added pressure.

I'm like, , he would do it like this. , he's a guy, so he didn't have to do hair, makeup, all that stuff. So for him it was just like in and out, but he was so good. And like for me it was like everything was so tough 

Lizzi: Yeah. But what we kept talking about was like, okay, but when he was 30 something, was it so easy?

Yeah. 

All: Was he 

Lizzi: writing and rewriting, right? There was no, it was either I'm as good as this person who's been doing it forever, or I'm total crap and they're gonna fire me at any moment. And when your nervous system is running like that, there's no way that you're gonna perform well. And , there's no way you're gonna hit that mark.

Robyn: and in a way, you're always giving your power away in these situations. Totally. And so it's having to shift that whole perspective of you know what, they're actually really fortunate to have me. But you were set up in this [00:29:00] situation to be like, I'm so lucky. I'm so lucky I can't fuck this up.

Oh my God. and so you need someone else to be like, Hey, yeah. And Lizzi could be that person to show you actually what your own inner. Self is saying 

Lizzi: We need to shift this. It felt like what I was watching was like a lifetime of brainwashing. 

All: Yeah. 

Lizzi: it sounds like it, honestly.

And that to me is just like your media world, right? Like I've heard this wasn't like an ESPN is evil kind of thing. It was like everyone that I worked with in any kind of really high stakes world was in this thing of we're lucky to be here. And so we just that's right. The ground that they walk on.

And it's okay that they treat me like garbage because I get to be here. Like for what? It all just sounds good. 

Robyn: that ends up being, I think, the biggest question no matter what, if you find yourself in these kinds of situations for what? What's the why? What is it getting you? Because you are not even happy.

like again, I just explained to some of your days, which were a lot of [00:30:00] your days for a lot of those years and. You weren't even enjoying it anymore. 

All: No. 

Robyn: And if any, you were just nervous, 

Lizzi: like you were thinking like, yeah. like Toni came to me in Pure Fight or Flight 24 7.

Toni: Because after, I just made me remember after the show, so I'm already like after a three hour show and like all the mess up I'm already thinking of like post meetings. So then, ugh, already like in that stress mode that I'm already gonna get told what I did wrong or what could have been better.

In a really kind way. My bosses , for that specific show, they were great. , they were kind with their feedback, but of course I would all internalize it way worse. and then I remember like in the meetings you have to talk about the next day show. So the pressure of give ideas for the next show 

I'm already stressed from the show before I haven't even decompressed what we gotta think about tomorrow. So yeah, and then re, cycle it over again for the next day. So yeah, . 

Lizzi: That's how I imagine like the daily talk shows.

To be right. Like the Daily Show or any of those shows okay what do you got next? That's right. 

Robyn: It is. It is. 

Lizzi: Yeah. 

Robyn: It is like that. And [00:31:00] on top of all of that, in the day and age we all live in, you are also having social media chime in too. So it's not like just your bosses, or Yeah, anyone on the team.

It's like then you have the public. 

Lizzi: Yeah. Plus, just to throw this out there, the men that you were co-anchor with would wear a suit and could be no Botox, no makeup. Whatever they looked like was totally fine and there were no comments on it. And anything that you said or did or looked, it was like, not only were you being judged on what came outta your mouth, but your entire physical appearance was ridiculed, sexualized ra, like all of that on top of it.

Robyn: Yep. 

Lizzi: And this is before me too. 

Robyn: So then Toni, what happens? At what point are you like, you know what, now I've been doing the work. And it is time for real change. I need to really change what I'm doing day to day.   

Toni: think throughout my work with Lizzi, I grew the courage to ask [00:32:00] for a transfer from my job.

I didn't get it. it hurt me. It didn't hurt my ego. It was different. It didn't hurt the ego. It wasn't like a, I should have gotten this type of thing. It hurt. I know it sound corny, but it hurt inside. It was like this crushing thing that I felt I gave him my all.

And remember several conversations with friends. My boyfriend at the time, my husband and Lizzi they were like, babe, go live your life. It was like, , why are you living a life that no longer serves you that you are no longer aligned with?

And at the moment it was so scary, but I was so ready and so desperate it wasn't easy, but I felt like it would've been more heartbreak if I stayed in that life. 'cause I already knew what that life was. I knew it, I was living it and I knew it. And I knew deep down nothing was gonna change.

And the real courage was like, just going and then I ended up resigning and I got married and I live in a ranch with animals now. And it's like a wave. I was telling Lizzi the other day, I feel like this is [00:33:00] a wave and we go through waves, but.

Man, 

it was the best leap of faith and best change I ever did. 

Lizzi: I think part of the hurt that you felt when they said no you can't move, was the disappointment of first of all, that hurts my feelings. I've done so much for you and this will do so much for me. And I really am just a talking bobblehead for you.

I thought that we really cared about each other and I would think that you would want what's best for me. And instead, I think there was an understanding of they saw it as that's not what's best for the company and this isn't personal, it's business. And also the hurt of but I've given you all of my person and now you're telling me it's not personal, but like I just gave everything up for you for all these years and there's no humanity in it anymore.

And it was like a moment of oh shit, I can't stay now. 

Toni: Yeah. they never told me they were my family. I made them my family. I was the one that like worked holidays, did this, did that because they were my family and when I asked them for one thing, they're like, no, we [00:34:00] see you as a backup and we see you in Bristol, Connecticut.

I was like, man, after seven years, and that's when I was like 

Robyn: Yeah. And I will say , in that type of position in the hours and so forth that you were working, it's very understandable why you felt they were family. I understand that. I think anyone in those kinds of when you are giving so much of yourself and so much of your time and your day, and you are surround I've said this to you before when we've talked like the crew and the team, those become your family.

, you're basically like at overnight camp with them. I dunno else to put it, but you spend so much time, I know in my own life I've built relationships they are part of my entire lifetime because you become so close with people 'cause that's all you're spending your time with.

Yeah. It is personal. So it is personal. So that makes you. That's because you are, and I wanna say too, your light shines so bright. You don't need makeup, you don't need anything. , you are a magnet. So you need to hear [00:35:00] it and be able to receive it.

Toni: Thank you. Made me cry. 

Lizzi: I also wanna chime in and say here that, and Toni, I don't think you'll be mad at me for saying this, but Toni had the opportunity to leave her job and not worry about the financial aspect of it it was financially secure and stable and safe to do and there are a lot of us out there who don't have that freedom or don't have the luxury to do it. And any spiritual work that you're doing, isn't about telling you to leave the thing. Not pay your mortgage. 

there's a way to do this because even when we were working together, 

Toni was getting better at not triggering so hard on stuttering over a word or mispronouncing things. It was already getting better. The leaving was, you have an opportunity to not stay in this thing jump. If you don't jump, I'm kicking you off the mountaintop and you have to jump. But for those of us that don't have that, there's still a way to get through this where the triggers don't trigger so hard.

[00:36:00] Because really what was coming up was the fear of not being good enough, the fear of being humiliated, the fear of being seen as, not enough. And once you change those programs, the triggers don't trigger as hard and the recovery speeds up. So I just like saying that because I know old me, cynical me would've been like must be nice because, and so I just wanna say that.

Toni: No, it's true though. It's true. 

Robyn: And I'll also say what I think ended up coming up for you with that situation where you had applied, you didn't get it, it was actually an opportunity and then you ended up making the choice. Then it really was, the ball was in your court.

'cause you could have re-upped and stayed in Bristol and done all that, that they weren't saying that you couldn't have a job. But you made a choice. It was an opportunity. And Lisa Nitzkin, who's a woman that is another seeking center guide that Lizzi and I work with often. She always says rejection is God's protection.

And in this case [00:37:00] I really see that however you wanna look at God, right? Like I call it that was another nudge really. It was that opportunity and you took it. Yeah, Not everybody would've been brave enough to take it on many levels, whether it was financial, ego, all of it.

But you were doing the work. And I often say too, to your point, Lizzi, not everybody may be in a financial place to make that kind of change. However, if you're doing the work, something will present itself to you. Exactly. Another opportunity that would pay you, maybe, it may not be as much or whatever, but it would get you out of the situation.

Yeah, I totally agree. 

Toni: I agree. The nudges come when and it's not like they're like, no, 

Robyn: that's right. They're not loud. . They're subtle. . 

All: Yeah. 

Robyn: Yeah. Although I will say what to me was loud. Was someone handing you Lizzi's number? I. 

Toni: A thousand percent, 

Robyn: Like call and her being willing to call it.

That's right. But I think you get to a point, and this is , your soul is dying moment. You get to a point [00:38:00] where you don't know what to do. Like I felt like I, in my own life was , I don't know how I keep going. I can't show up to another meeting. I just couldn't do it.

Lizzi: Yeah. 

I think that with most of our programming and like being born and raised in the states and in big cities and we're taught that the more you hustle, the more successful, the more it's like the Brene Brown thing of being tired isn't a noble thing, right?

I'm so busy like. Why? Yeah. Why are you doing that to yourself and what do you think it earns you? And I think that there was that feeling that, with Toni, that your job especially because of the family that you came from, was so much of your identity where it's okay, if I don't have this, what happens?

Do I just drift off and disappear into the ether? And now you're seeing drifting off into the ether is amazing. 

Toni: but we still work. That's another thing if, I'll be transparent with you guys, I'm still working with that too, with Lizzi. 'cause my family doesn't approve of it, right?

Because they're like, you gotta work work. And they're [00:39:00] like, what are you doing? You're not like, 

Robyn: I actually very much can relate to that, Toni. I have some of that in my life too. And then because what I do may be very different than what they ever thought I would do in my life and.

I have had to do a lot of work around that in order to own it. and I wanna own it without being defensive about it. And I can understand where sometimes it does sound a little defensive, but it's more just 'cause I'm just in it and I'm good, like it may not be what you thought I should be doing and that's okay.

But I also think it's because you do, as Lizzi was saying, come from this family that's all they know. And they're at a point in life where they're not really willing to look at things differently. it would help them as they grow older and so forth. But that's okay. But it's really hard to yeah.

It's like the feeling of being the black sheep. Yes, 

Lizzi: that's right. I'm like, I'm not gonna apologize for not being so busy. I'm not gonna apologize for [00:40:00] having enough money and having more than I need. And I'm not gonna feel guilty that I haven't made myself so stressed. I don't wanna do that on this round.

Robyn: We've 

Lizzi: done 

Robyn: that. The, and I would say for you, Toni, looking at certain aspects and elements of your family and how that turned out in many ways, maybe from an outside perspective, there's a lot of success and on all different levels. You know the real stuff. You know what's underneath it all.

Lizzi: Yeah. 

Robyn: And what does that really do? And you are changing the paradigm for lineage going forward. That's the truth. You are breaking that. 

Lizzi: I wanna chime in here because we did a past life session, which when I first met Toni, if I had said, we're gonna do a past life session and I'm gonna hypnotize you, she would've been like, I am out.

Out. So this was years later that we had been working together. Yes. And in, I think two of her past lives. So we usually see three or four in two of them. One of them, she was like a [00:41:00] Native American woman and kind of a part of a tribe, but also very much kept to herself and very connected to the land and the animals and the spirit of what was going on, like very much a spirit medicine woman.

And in another lifetime there was like another village community thing. And still, like she lived with her grandmother and it was a quiet, very peaceful, very serene life of just really being internally connected and connected to the land. And then in another one we actually saw her father who had passed and spoke to her father and she got this message of love and guidance and this is how I come to you, like this amazing moment with her father who had passed.

Sorry to make you cry, babe.

And then we wrap up those sessions by asking, we together curated a list of questions and asked her soul. And watching it all be tied together of oh you started in this very typical, good [00:42:00] girl, climb the ladder, get to the top, get on tv, get all the followers on Instagram, and then chose to come back to your roots where you're now living with a person that you love and who loves you with no makeup on and your hair on top of your head.

And you guys wake up in the morning and feed the puppies and feed the goats and all the an right. I mean they are on a ranch, but I always think it's like you're on an old McDonald's farm over there. Like every time I talk to her, she's we got another animal.

I'm like, of course you did. her days are filled with being on the land and understanding what the donkey needs to get into the corral at the end of the day, and she can see what their eyes look like. She's back to where she was in those other lifetimes, which is her authentic alignment.

That's the point. Yeah. And so even in preparing for this conversation, I went back and was looking at all these old notes and I was like, oh my God, how far we've come, like you have been reintroduced to Being in one line with your soul's potential and self and [00:43:00] you guys soul potential doesn't mean how much money can I make?

How many followers can I get? It's like, how content can I be on a Wednesday at two o'clock? That's 

Robyn: right. It's like the essence of you. You've come back to the essence of you, and that is more than enough. That is the point. It's the whole point. , it is. And that's what fills you up.

And that is enough. And you don't need to defend that to anyone at all. Yeah. And you are an inspiration by doing that. Like people are gonna listen to this today or watch it and be like, oh my God, if she can do that, and that's where she's found her happiness. How do I find mine? It's powerful. 

Toni: I thank you ladies for having a safe space like this and the avenues and the heart and just the compassion to listen and to have this capacity to do it for people like me.

If you don't put out content like this, and if Lizzi doesn't do work and everybody that works with you does the stuff that they do, then. We [00:44:00] don't get to share all this, but thank you. Thank you. 

Robyn: Oh, our pleasure. My pleasure. I'm really grateful that you're sharing this.

And I have a question too, which is, now what are you doing? On a daily basis too, really live with that authenticity? Is it the getting up and the being with the Anna? What is it what are some of the things that you can recommend to others that are starting to question, what am I doing and why, and where am I going?

What do I do, 

Toni: man? guess it depends on the stage, right? Like when my awakening was right. Can I call it an awakening or do I when Yeah. it's really blurry. I just remember it was chaos, but as where I am now, it's been consistency.

'cause even with our life being a little busy with Danny's work schedule and stuff, and being in different time zones I would have the excuse with Lizzi ah, I can't, I'm in this thought or whatever. So I made a promise to myself to be consistent and it would be tempting to skip out on sessions and push calls but just the consistency to do the work is [00:45:00] keeping me grounded because when the triggers come up, the voices get loud.

It's a place where I know that I get to blame myself a lot and if I do the work, I know that what's at the end of that work is gonna help me. And it's been like the biggest thing. I know it sounds simple, but consistency for me with whatever's working for you at the moment.

And I know animals for me are My thing, I just go outside with them and sit with them I have goats, donkeys, and horses and they don't talk, but 

Robyn: they do to you? I actually would say you are, you're communicating from all the work that I think Lizzi and I do, you're communicating with them and the power, I learned this recently.

I did not know this. I knew the power of horses in equine therapy, but I never realized it's, their heart is 10 times larger than our hearts. And so therefore their capacity to love and be loved is so much greater than ours. And so we really can be filled up from that [00:46:00] love. And so to me, living on a land with the horses right there and goats and dog, there's so much wisdom.

That comes from them. And you're communicating at this point without even totally understanding. I think that you are, that may be something that you need to look into 

Toni: seriously. I don't speak, but they've helped me become more present. Like with them, it's not about achieving or doing something, it's just about being with them.

And they remind me of simplicity then the, just the power of stillness. they just look at you and then you feel, , I'm telling you, they're like telling me something when I stare at them. Lizzi, you have that 

Robyn: with dogs. 

Lizzi: Oh my gosh.

Yeah. I say to people all the time if you're having a hard day and a hard moment and you have three seconds, get on the floor and look in your dog's eyes and watch them breathe. 'cause the love that we feel for animals, because an animal will never say you're smothering me. Hurley might've, but I still smothered her.

look, we don't all have easy access to horses, but my friends have dogs and I'll borrow their dogs. There's something that's so [00:47:00] grounding because they're just happy to receive and then they just give it right back. Toni, we've talked about how if you're in a mood and you go in, the donkey doesn't respond.

And if you go in and you're kind and loving and open and soft, the donkey does whatever you want 'em to do. So it is such a good barometer for if your dog is fighting you, it's because you're not in your body. You're in like that inauthenticity. And once you get back into your zone, the dog will totally respond.  

I honestly feel like for you, Toni, it's like a gauge for you of not slipping back into imposter syndrome. ' cause when you get into I need to be a certain way, the animals shut down to you. Yeah. It's like they're your gauge of. I slipped back into those old ways. And what we've really been working on now is to not expect that you're never gonna get triggered again.

' cause I know I've thrown a lot of tantrums too, of I've done this work for so long, when does it stop? And I honestly think Robyn and I have had this conversation. I think it stops when we transition. There's always [00:48:00] more to do. That's the joy and the gift of being in the human zip up suit. But if I can think okay, I'm triggered.

What was I just thinking? Is it a fact? No. Okay. What am I gonna do about it? I recover faster. So Toni, when you did the the FBA thing a couple months ago or last month, yeah. It's triggering to see everybody looks perfect and I think everybody has the perfect life, but me and you get back in your head.

And then you told me that you were instantly thinking I'll let it go. And then you did. Don't worry 

Toni: about it. Yeah. , then I forgot. 

Lizzi: And then forgot. That's 

Toni: huge. 

Lizzi: is to not be spinning out. We used to talk for a long time about what are you gonna wear and are you gonna be comfortable enough and don't get in your head about your body and Right.

All the normal stuff that any of us getting on stage in front of thousands of people would think. And this time Toni went up and was like I'll think about it later. 

Robyn: That's a huge thing. That's huge. That is huge. And you think about everybody has a story. Yeah. you start to understand, like everybody has a story.

Everybody comes to that [00:49:00] event with all kinds of stuff that happened to them that day or the day before and leading up to it. And so then you can just focus on yourself. That's the key, right? That is the key. And look at just all you've done and are doing. And it is that enoughness of knowing.

When you get up and you go out and you're feeding the donkeys and they'll goats and that's enough. You're taking care of others. You're being in service like that to me is the biggest thing that we can be is up service in some way.   

that fills us 

up, 

Lizzi: I think. And by the way, that can be like, I went on a walk today and I was like, oh my gosh, the tulips are all blooming and just appreciating the tulips.

I was like, I'm here. I'm seeing you. I'm loving you. This is my sort of, not to sound so egoic, but like this is my gift to the universe today. I'm appreciating the beauty that this planet created. 

That's what I have to give today. 

Robyn: Love it. This was a very powerful hour that we just spent together thank you [00:50:00] both. Thank you both for all that you're doing in the world, because no matter what we're doing, it's so powerful. And the fact that we're all sharing this now and we'll be inspiring others to really take a look at their own life and know they're not alone in sometimes feeling.  

scared , fearful, not knowing where to go. But , there's always a way, and there's Lizzi and others that are here to help to navigate because as Lizzi said too, we're still figuring it out, but we've learned some tools and resources to help us along the way to connect to who we really are and 

Lizzi: they exist.

So Toni, thank you for being willing to share and being so vulnerable. 

Toni: Ladies, thank you for being light in my world. Thank you. 

Robyn: Thank you. Oh, thank you. And Lizzi, how can people work with you? 

Lizzi: You can find me@Lizzicutler.com. It's L-I-Z-Z-I-C-U-T-L-E-R. There's no E in Lizzi and same thing on Instagram at Lizzi Cutler.

 I have all different ways of working with people. I just also wanna say this there's like a new to the world and I [00:51:00] wanna see what this is about. All the way to, I know I can channel and I hear aliens and I see dead people. So like I work with the full gamut. She sure does. 

Robyn: And I get to hear all about it.

 Incredible. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you Robyn. So much.