Seeking Center: The Podcast

How to Get Through Difficult Times, Plus Why You Need to P.A.U.S.E. - Episode 109

• Robyn Miller Brecker, Karen Loenser, Paige Davis • Season 2 • Episode 109

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While some of us may welcome change – and others may not, we can all agree that change can feel uncomfortable. And, we can also all agree that throughout different points in our lives, we ALL have to manage change. How can you navigate uncertainty with more ease, connection, and clarity? That’s where our friend Paige Davis comes in.

Paige is a renowned speaker, author, entrepreneur and sought after mindfulness trainer. She has walked many walks already in this lifetime and has always taken her spiritual curiosity, collective experiences, training and proven techniques to help others by sharing in one way or another: whether she’s creating products, businesses, a book, coaching or teaching.

What she knows now is that our nervous systems are in overdrive: fueling anxiety, fear, and overwhelm. And as you know, most of us are freakin' exhausted.

In her latest offering, P.A.U.S.E., which we’ll be discussing, Paige has created another way to get through our days and life. Think of Paige kind of like a (mid)life doula, providing guidance and structure to slow down (and soothe your nervous system), without abandoning your life and responsibilities as you navigate so many inevitable life transitions. Whether that’s career shifts, becoming an empty nester, relationship changes, taking care of teenagers, aging parents, prioritizing your health, and the list goes on.

Paige is all about giving you a toolkit of practices and resources to manage any transition with confidence. She believes that you don’t need a crisis to create change, but rather open-heartedness and the desire to enjoy your life now, not just when life gets turned upside down. And BONUS, it will make you better equipped in the likelihood that a crisis does hit or when life just likes to throw those curve balls. Listen now.

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You can also follow Seeking Center on Instagram @theseekingcenter.

Robyn: [00:00:00] I'm Robyn Miller Brecker and I'm Karen Loenser. Welcome to Seeking Center, the podcast. Join us each week as we have the conversations and we, through the spiritual and holistic clutter for you, we'll boil it down to what you need to know now, we're all about total wellness, which to us needs building a healthy life.

Karen: On a physical, mental, and spiritual level, we'll talk to the trailblazers who'll introduce you to the practices, products, and experiences that may be just what you need to hear about to transform your life. If you're listening to this, it's no accident. Think of this as your seeking center and your place to seek your center.

Robyn: And for the best wellness and spiritual practitioners, experts, products, experiences, and inspo, visit theseekingcenter. com. While some of us may welcome change and others may not, we can all agree that change can feel uncomfortable. And we can also agree that throughout different points in our lives, we all have to manage change. How can you navigate [00:01:00] uncertainty with more ease, connection, and clarity? That's where our friend Paige Davis comes in.

Paige is a renowned speaker, author, entrepreneur, and sought after mindfulness trainer. She has walked many walks already in this lifetime, and has always taken her spiritual curiosity, collective experiences, training, and proven techniques to help others by sharing in one way or another. Whether she's creating products, businesses, a book, coaching, or teaching.

What she knows now is that our nervous systems are in overdrive, fueling anxiety, fear, and overwhelm. And most of us are freaking exhausted. In her latest offering, P.A.U.S.E., which we'll be discussing, Paige has created another way to get through our days and life. Think of Paige as a midlife doula, providing guidance and structure to slow down and soothe your nervous system without abandoning your life and responsibilities as you navigate so many inevitable life transitions.

Whether that's career [00:02:00] shifts, becoming an empty nester, relationship changes, taking care of teenagers, aging parents, prioritizing your health, and the list goes on. Paige is all about giving you a toolkit of practices and resources to manage any transition with confidence. She believes that you don't need a crisis to create change, but rather open heartedness and the desire to enjoy your life.

Now, not just when life gets turned upside down and bonus, it will make you better equipped in the likelihood that a crisis does hit, or when life just likes to throw those curve balls. There is a lot to get to, so let's get going. Hi, Paige. Hi, 

Paige: thanks for having me. I'm so happy to be here. 

Robyn: I'm so glad we are finally doing this.

I know. It's time. It really is. You have so much of your own. Experience you've walked the walk and you've applied these programs and practices and techniques in your own life.

 So let's talk about your journey so far. 

Paige: Yeah. First of all, [00:03:00] thank you for that introduction. Just listening to it. I'm like, no wonder we're all exhausted. Seriously, that's a lot. But yeah, I'm really excited to be here. And, my story, like so many of us started back in childhood.

I grew up Jewish in Tulsa, Oklahoma, which that alone is a contradiction. But I always tell people there were four Jewish people in my high school, two were my cousins. So really grew up with I appreciated the cultural. aspects of Judaism. I never really connected spiritually or religiously.

And I know we've shared like so many people of our generation, the Gen Xers really grew up with Oprah as a guiding force when it came to all those spiritual pioneers, she had all of them. I do have a very visceral specific memory.

of one show she did. She had this guy Bernie Siegel on and he was an MD and he was talking about the mind body spirit connection. And I don't know, maybe I was 10 but I was just so [00:04:00] intrigued and begged my mom to take me to the bookstore and get that book. And when most girls my age were reading, are you there?

God, it's me, Margaret. I was reading Love, Medicine and Miracles by Bernie Siegel. 

So he, really, again, a pioneer in that mind body spirit, but he specifically was focusing on working with patients like with heart disease and cancer and usually using visualization is a tool to help people.

And it was just a different perspective that I never heard. And. So fast forward to life and experiencing loved ones who had been diagnosed with cancer, I would bring the book and eagerly share and so all that set the stage for, my spiritual curiosity and that really just followed me.

throughout college and into my 20s when I was living in San Francisco, right at the height of kind of the dot com boom. And I like to say I rode the boom and the bust and I'm aging myself, but it was really, 

Robyn: we're the same age. So 

Paige: this is really a time where the [00:05:00] internet was just getting started.

And, I was working with a company, we're doing first generation e commerce and It was such an exciting time of creativity and innovation. And at the same time, just being in San Francisco, which is the mecca of spiritual and mystical all things. It was really a time for my friends and I, you name it, we did it.

So everything from, learning about Tarot and Reiki and different energy healing and, That's why I first had acupuncture with, and the acupuncturist was an intuitive so I was just starting to develop this toolkit. And, that followed me as the boom went bust and I made the logical step to move to Austin, Texas to open a Pilates studio as one does.

So again, I've always wavered in between business, entrepreneurial and wellness. That's been how my career has toggled and the entrepreneurial side, like I really did grow up in an entrepreneurial family. My dad was [00:06:00] in venture capital and I tell the story when we were, I have two older sisters and growing up, we used to go down to my dad's office and.

He would sit us down and we would do a SWAT exercise, which is a strategic tool of strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, threats around our family dynamics. Now, a little much at age seven, but that was our dinner conversation. And it really did shape the three of us and embracing that entrepreneurial spirit, and all that to say, open to Pilates studio again, that was an awesome opportunity to just explore my own education around the mind body spirit connection and being able to witness some of the things I was learning, just how emotions can be stored in our bodies and literally seeing that release with myself and my clients.

 And then, having five years with this studio, which I did love and love cultivating that community that entrepreneurial bug kicked back in. And that's when I started my next [00:07:00] company with my sister and a good friend. And we basically were creating sustainable lifestyle products to help people live a more reusable lifestyle.

So reusable shopping bags reusable zip baggies and, during this time, all these years, I would describe myself as a crisis meditator. And I think we all know that. Doing it in the time, always New Year's resolution are always in really high stress times. Like something has to change. I'm going to meditate, but it just never stuck.

 About five years into our company, I was your stereotypical stressed out entrepreneur on the verge of burnout and just desperate for some type of change, and so I think. When so many of us hit that moment, we start Googling first meditation training with the Chopra Center and it was a game changer and learned so many misconceptions that I had around meditation, just how at the end of the day, it's really about soothing our nervous system.

and was able to come back and cultivate [00:08:00] a practice that really fit my lifestyle and experience some really immediate benefits with sleeping better, just felt more connected in my personal and professional relationships. And about nine months into that I was diagnosed with breast cancer. And I tell people I was the healthiest person I knew until I got diagnosed.

In hindsight, I can see some red flags, but. It was really in that moment of my diagnosis, just to bring it all around where after that initial breakdown, it was right when I was about to get the biopsy. I just had this moment of peace and ease wash over me. And I did the only thing I need to do in that moment.

And I was just taking a deep breath. And it was just this clarity that kind of fell upon me that almost I'd been in training my whole life for this. And It was less my crisis point and more a landing pad to really integrate all of these tools that I'd been exploring my whole life. And I really think that nine months of having a [00:09:00] consistent meditation practice, it really primed my nervous system for a different response.

And not to minimize, I definitely had the freak out. I had the breakdown, but just having that possibility to turn to peace and grace versus complete fear and denial that alone just shifted everything. So that kind of launched me into a new path. And I know 

Robyn: There's a lot more to talk about here, but just to.

stop for one moment and when you talked about the crisis meditation versus this practice that you cultivated over those nine months. Can you talk about that for a moment? What did crisis meditation look like to you? And then what was it that you were then able to integrate into your day to day?

daily routine. 

Paige: So , number one, I think it's really important that we understand there's no one size fits all when it comes to practicing mindfulness or meditation. So for me, when I was In that [00:10:00] crisis mode, have to do a, New Year's resolution or feeling stressful. I didn't understand the importance of consistency.

So meditation really is one of those rare things where it's more about quantity over quality. So it's much better to do Five minutes every single day versus 20 minutes twice a week. And so I would more think the latter 20 minutes twice a week. And again, anything you can do is great, but it's through that consistency.

It's really starting to shift our relationship to our nervous system. So we're less, tapping into that fight, flight, 

freeze, bond response, and more into that parasympathetic nervous system, which is really reminding us that we're safe and it's okay to feel at peace. So understanding it's really about the consistency.

And then really the big game changer was that it's okay to have thoughts. It's the nature of the brain to have thoughts just as it's the nature of the eyes to see. [00:11:00] So once I understood that, it was like, okay. And so even to this day, and I'm now, 15 years into a daily meditation practice.

A lot of times I feel like my brain is so busy, And I'll come out of the meditation and be like, but wait, I didn't meditate. But the fact that I was there for the committed time period means my nervous system was getting everything it needs. And this is something people don't talk about a lot, but it's a little counterintuitive, but.

At the end of the day, any meditation, we're de stressing. And one of the signs of that de stressing is having lots of thoughts. So that's why we hear when we're having thoughts in meditation, it's not so important to grab onto them, but just notice them almost as clouds passing in the sky.

 So once I understood that for me, it just became a non negotiable. And from there, if I missed a day, I would really feel it. I would feel off, either notice it in my sleep, I'd be more irritable. And I'd be like, Oh, I didn't meditate today. So I [00:12:00] just think we can't underestimate what's happening behind the scenes when we're in meditation.

So a lot of the work I'm doing is really helping people to understand that. And. Helping to carve out the time and space and finding the techniques that are most suited to their personality type, their learning type, and their lifestyle. 

Robyn: Yeah, and when you talk about those different types, meaning for those listening, Or watching that you're talking about.

Maybe you use music. Maybe you don't. Maybe you're moving as you're meditating. You're not saying everybody needs to sit in complete silence whether it's 5 minutes, 20 minutes, whatever it is. 

Paige: Yeah, I think starting out, especially it's really important to just explore and see what's resonating.

So that's when people think about mindfulness and meditation, like what is it? What are the two? So a common way to think about is mindfulness is like a muscle, and that muscle is helping us to create space between impulse and action where we [00:13:00] really can become more of an observer versus being in constant reaction.

So we can flex that mindfulness that muscle in a variety of ways. Taking mindful moments, listening to music journaling. But a seated meditation practice that is equivalent of actually going to the gym. So getting started, I'm really encouraging people to let's explore all the things, the music, the journaling, all those things.

But ultimately, I do think the goal is to get to a seated practice. And naturally you do go there. But yes, the pathway to get there and even what that seated practice is going to be unique to everyone. For some people, it may be more just observing the breath or engaging the senses or doing a body scan.

For some people, it may be more of a mantra based technique, which is just repeating a word or phrase. And all of them have different impacts on our brain chemistry. So it's not better or worse, but It takes time to figure out what's [00:14:00] Gonna work for you. 

Robyn: Definitely. And I know for me in my own life it is taken time to figure out what works for me.

And, to your point, what I've now found is that I able to be consistent and I found what works in my schedule. Yeah. And to your point, every person is different. just all depends on where you are in your life too. But it does become something that for me, it is something I have to do now at the beginning of my day in order to ground myself. 

For the rest of the day. It is a non negotiable. 

Paige: But to your point, that is, especially when we're starting out, we have to be open to letting it look and feel different than anyone else who may be talking about it. Because we can so quickly go into, I'm not good at it, or it doesn't work for me. takes some time to figure out and literally to find the right time of day to do it.

 Morning isn't realistic for everyone. We have kids, we have partners, we have pets. For a lot of my clients that are professionals, [00:15:00] it's really that time either before they're going into work. So those transition points in the day. That mid morning, which feels like an awkward time, but is the most effective.

Another common time is that happy hour time where you want to grab the coffee or the Diet Coke or the matcha. And, trying to take a few moments at that time usually will give us the boost that we need. 

Robyn: And then it really becomes. Almost like medicine that you don't even have to pay for.

Paige: I joke all the time that, so I now, I meditate twice a day for 20 minutes, and I know people are like, how on earth? But it's how my lifestyle works. I've been doing this for, but it's to the point now where my dog, if we haven't gone to the. The meditation chair, he goes over there and he has his internal clock set.

It's very funny. 

Robyn: How cool is that? I get it and by the way, I'm sure your dog is feeling the benefits too because you're still and you're in your quiet place and they get to be as [00:16:00] well. 

Paige: Yeah, and we all know that internal like we all feel that if we're tired at the end of the day or kind of that afternoon slump that is our body saying, Can I just take a moment?

Can we lean into this for a few moments? And ultimately, if we pay attention to that, it's giving our bodies and our minds and spirits exactly what we mean. 

Robyn: Absolutely. And don't you think Now more than ever we are taking in so much more information than ever before, 

and so from where we grew up, and what we were consuming on a daily basis is different. than what we are now or our younger generations are consuming. It's just so different. You need that space and that pause, which I know we're going to talk about what you mean by that 

Paige: Yeah. 

And I really, one of the biggest benefits of meditation for myself and I've noticed it in my clients is really the level of discernment. So just being able to make decisions with more clarity And I think [00:17:00] especially with this bombardment, even in the wellness space just starting to pay attention to what, works for me and just starting to let it come from the inside out versus thinking we have to do something that's coming at us.

And I think, that's really important, especially now. 

Robyn: And when you take those moments, I love what you said too, about mindfulness being a muscle. When you take the moments of that stillness. And the more consistent you are, the better you really do become in knowing what's going on with your own body and being able to feel where something doesn't feel right or normal in quotes.

Yeah. You do. Yeah. And the more that you take this time to get clear with. What's going on with yourself, the more you're able to be aware of things that are bringing all different types of energy to you, which is like you want to be that kind of radar for yourself. 

Paige: Yeah, and I think that's such a great point that it's something I really try to reinforce with people is.

So these tools, these practices, yes, it's something we [00:18:00] can go to when we're feeling stressed. But if we're just consistent and start to build them as part of our routine, they start to show up for us in the times we don't even know we need it. And I think that's why I 

talk about that moment in my diagnosis, just taking this deep breath and feeling this overwhelming sense of peace and grace.

I wasn't doing anything in that moment. It was something coming. Through me, and I think that's just so important to know we're not and you hear this all the time. You don't meditate to get good at meditation. You meditate to get good at life. And I think if we find the toolkit that works for us, it really will show up for us and those high demand moments where we frankly can't do it alone.

And we need support both inner support and helps us to be more open to the external support we may need to seek. 

Robyn: And in that moment, it enabled you to also just continue to breathe. 

Because it's in a lot of those moments where you just hold your breath. 

Paige: And the truth is like the breath is presence and [00:19:00] this moment is the only moment that's happening.

This is where we're having ideas. This is where we're feeling our feelings. This is where we're having creative inspiration. This is where we're connecting with others. So I think, that idea of breathing and being present it's not nothing, as I like to say, 

Robyn: no. And I feel like in the way that you described that it's like you had been doing this practice, which then enabled you to look at this and manage it in a different way.

And. When you think about did that happen for you as one of your major lessons in this lifetime, How do you cope with that and manage so that then you can help others? 

Paige: one of the things around my cancer diagnosis and it wasn't like a, I don't know how to explain it.

It was a knowingness that came through. And I think it's because I had observed. I I needed to [00:20:00] view my cancer through a lens of love versus a battle to be fought. And that wasn't a popular but it was so deep and true for me. That I literally sent an email out to my family saying, this is how I'm going to approach this and I need you to stay away from, the fight, the battle metaphors, which for my sweet father was so difficult.

He was raised in the army and it was different. And I think people were surprised by that, but it just provided again, I keep using this grace and this compassion that I knew was needed for my journey. And , that is not a message that resonates for everyone.

But for me, That was important. And you wrote a book . I did 

Robyn: Using that as an underlying story and for those where that's going to resonate, that is gonna hopefully help them. Yeah. Okay. what happened?

So then. 

Paige: so once I was diagnosed, I had that clarity that I was going to approach it in a new way. And, once you have some clarity, as things just started unfolding that call it serendipity. [00:21:00] I just felt so guided on my path, everything from, finding the right medical team.

At the time I was working with a therapist, it was very serendipitous how we connected who actually had done some work with Bernie Siegel back in the day. And it was just, Wow. But he Flint Sparks was just a wonderful teacher and he helped me to really incorporate mindfulness and visualizations with each of my treatments.

So I had several surgeries chemotherapy and, it was a difficult, challenging time, but it was also a really meaningful and transformational time. And when I came out of that, I knew I had to shift some things. I took a step back from the company and then started to really share some of these tools that were helpful for me in the workplace and have been teaching mindfulness, meditation, resilience training in the workplace and have been doing that and then have just created this new more personalized curated one on one offering.

Yeah, these [00:22:00] tools my cancer diagnosis, I was like, Oh, this is why people meditate, 

Robyn: and when you talk about visualization, with your cancer diagnosis and what you were going through. What's an example of how you use that? 

Paige: There were a couple ways I approached it. So Flint really helped me to envision the chemo as a loving, light filled energy, versus poison going into my body. And, It's not that you're naive to the poison.

Everyone's wearing masks You see the red, it's called the red devil. So you, it doesn't mean I was naive to the hardships of the situation, but it did just help to present a different lens and perspective. And through every treatment that visualization became part of my daily meditation practice and really visualizing that and continued with all the different medicines and each of the surgeries.

So he would take me through a visualization where for the surgeries, envisioning myself going in, being surrounded by love, envisioning the [00:23:00] medical team in the surgery room, listening to their favorite music. And again, is it that I don't have the scientific proof of how that impacted my journey, but it provided some ease and peace in my own heart and.

 When so much is out of your control in those situations, it is something that you can turn to. In those uncertain moments, it's the breath, it's these practices that we do have control over. And I think that's probably why they became so important to me as well. Because it's unknown and uncertain and it continues to be, I'm sure we all know people who have been through a challenging time or health diagnosis and it's almost the period.

After kind of the acute period that is for a lot of people is the hardest cause there's not as much attention and focus. And so you are left to your own devices. And so at that point in the process, it was really the loving kindness practice and really learned to cultivate compassion for myself and for others.

[00:24:00] And just trying to create a larger sense of belonging that became really important to the journey as well. 

Robyn: What a gift that you're also giving people now, that's what, has come out of that experience. And then another really pivotal part of your journey was losing both of your parents in a very short amount of time.

Yeah. And so how did these practices, Also come into play during that 

Paige: time. So that was also one of those moments of Oh, this is why people meditate. And so this was right when COVID had started March of that year, which frankly for my corporate business had never been better because businesses were finally like, Oh, this isn't like a nice thing to have.

This is critical to help people. cope in these challenging times. And then running parallel to that, it was just an unimaginable set of circumstances. And both of my parents within a six week period my dad was undergoing a trial with [00:25:00] melanoma. My mom was having complications with, the end result of a nasal cancer.

And they were both doing great. There are many circumstances, but yeah, basically in a six week period, we got there and everything was fine. And six weeks later, they both passed 10 days apart from one another. And even saying it out loud it's hard to imagine, it was again, the most heart wrenching difficult time in my life, but also such a meaningful time.

I think because it was COVID and we're very fortunate that my sisters and I could all be there. So it was like the five of us living as a family unit again. And Literally all I keep saying we were swimming in this cosmic soup of consciousness. We were all in and out and there were just so many magical moments that are so hard to describe.

But for anyone that has gone through losing a loved one and Being in the presence of that end of life was, so sacred and so special. Again, so [00:26:00] devastating and heart wrenching, but to be present for all of it. Even now, looking back, I don't know how we did it. And I think it's a combination of just having these tools show up for you and the fact that we had each other.

And. That we all have different set of tools where we could support each other. But yeah, just to be able to be present during that time. I mean It's just the greatest gift and I feel so grateful for it. 

Robyn: Yeah, I know recently I've had an experience with my own parent where she actually, my mom is still here, but we did not think she would be. And even though I've been through this before with other loved ones in my life, the depth of emotion.

that you end up feeling during that time. And, I don't know if that's the energetics of everything going on, but that you don't even realize how much you have in And so to be there and in your case, be present with your parents. And I don't know what [00:27:00] their consciousness level was at the time, like what they were able to actually hear and see but it's sacred is the right word that you used.

Paige: Yeah. And I think, we didn't know what was happening. Now I can look back and be like, Oh God, the way it all unfolded and transpired, if I ever questioned a plan but when you're in it, you're just trying navigate the realities of it. But yeah, to be present in those moments where, I would catch my mom just staring at me and being like, what's going on? And she'd be like that light. And I'd be like, Oh, what are you seeing? And the fact that I had comfort and awareness to be able to go with them in those places. So it was really special. And Again, it was just so many sacred moments, so many funny moments that are not haha funny, but just if you don't laugh, you cry, 

Robyn: yes.

Paige: Even their bond, like they had a real love story. And we've told this story before that the moment my mom passed my dad had been up all night and so [00:28:00] finally the nurses came and got him settled on the couch and literally the moment she passed, he finally fell asleep. And for the next, I kid you not, two hours, he was on the couch sleeping, huge smile on his face.

hands and feet moving like he was dancing and they loved to dance and there was just no question that and I keep having this vision where she's leaving her body and that I feel like he's holding on and being like, not without me, I would later have validation of that.

And a dear friend of mine told me when I recalled that story, cause dad passed 10 days later that in Kabbalah Jewish mysticism, they say that the soul leaves 10 days before the body. And so it's just there were so many moments. Like that, yeah, it was just really, you can't even, you can't make it up, no. It, again, difficult, devastating, but it reinforced the things I believe in [00:29:00] such life, right? 

Robyn: Soul and life like, yeah, it's both, right? And if you are. Given the opportunity to be with someone in those moments, you're also able it's dual you're helping them look at all they've done in this life.

Yeah. And it gives you permission to also I know for me the feelings that came up I never even realized needed. to come up. So it's for you and for them, there's an exchange there and there's so much reflection. And then there's all this other stuff that happens that you can't explain.

And so it becomes that larger picture. 

Paige: Yeah. And I think I always had a belief that, I can't explain what happens when we die, but Feeling their presence at their passing It gave me the Something I feel their presence every day it opened up something for me as well, we're living in a time where it's good vibes only, positive energy, but I just think we can't discount the heart wrenching moments, because [00:30:00] I like to say heart broken open that's where that deeper consciousness and awareness and presence and connection to something deeper that we can't always understand.

has space to enter. And it's natural to want to resist hard things. But there's great wisdom and often great opportunities and permission to rest, which at the end of the day is what most of us need in those high demand situation. Yeah, it was continues to be a light each time I talk about it.

it's very profound and meaningful. 

Robyn: thank you for talking about it because not everybody does. People tend to want to keep it private because it is so deep. . And so I think the more that we can have these conversations, it gives people permission and an understanding of what.

Inevitably, most of us will go through. Yeah. 

Paige: It's very personal as well. This is my experience. You talk to each of my sisters, they'll have a very different experience, but I think This was my consciousness. This was my awareness and how I'm interpreting [00:31:00] it, and it's a coping, I don't know, but I'm good with that, yeah, it goes back to with anything that we're doing when we're tapping into these practices, these tools, this consciousness, everything that you guys are doing and curating. It's just unique to each of us, and we're going to find the things that resonate and the things that don't. And I just think that's why we're here, is to be that unique expression.

And the more we can just embrace that and just let ourselves off the hook, I think we'll all be better for it. Just let ourselves be who we are. 

Robyn: And let's talk about the brain science and our capacity to handle these situations. What is that science around reducing stress and increasing our focus, especially in those kinds of very challenging situations?

Paige: Yeah. So obviously I'm not a neuroscientist, but I can speak to it from my understanding through my education and teachings. I think stress gets a bad rap because at the end of the day, it's [00:32:00] designed to save our lives. So when we experience that saber tooth tiger back in the days, we need that stress response.

We need the cortisol and the adrenaline to boost up. We need our pupils to dilate and only focus on the physical threat. We need all of the blood to rush to our extremities so we can flee that situation. The challenge in modern day is our bodies don't know the difference between being chased by that saber toothed tiger or our internet going out or getting into an argument with a co worker or a loved one or having to manage an outburst from one of our teenagers.

So it's that routine activation of those stress hormones that's really doing more harm than good. So I think what's most important is we start to understand what our personal stress response is, and it can be a combination of that fight, flight, freeze, and fun response. And I'm happy to talk more about those, but at the end of the day, if we can just recognize when we're in that.

[00:33:00] then we can treat it as a mindfulness trigger and start to take a breath or tap into some of these things, which brings us into the present, which allows us to access the parasympathetic nervous system. So anytime we're breathing through our nose, we're accessing that parasympathetic nervous system, which is calming our nervous system and is just telling our bodies that we're safe and it's okay to feel at peace.

So once we can be in that position, then we're better suited to respond versus react to that situation. When it comes to focus specifically, there's research that shows that we're increasing the gray matter in the hippocampus, which is responsible for learning and memory. So it goes a little counterintuitive because we're living in a multitasking society.

But the research shows that multitasking actually reduces productivity by up to 40%. So what happens once we become aware of that and we're like, okay, I'm going to try to just focus on one thing at [00:34:00] a time. It's actually giving our nervous system permission to relax and just focus on that one thing versus having to navigate that back and forth, which is causing kind of more stress.

So again, how does it help us in those high demand situations? it just is a different response. It starts to show up for us. So yes, we can catch ourselves in the moment and be like, Oh, I'm freaking out. I need to take a deep breath. Or we start with consistency, it starts to become a natural response.

Spoiler alert, any crisis naturally puts you into the present moment. It's just a matter if we can catch ourselves being in that stress response or in that kind of peaceful parasympathetic response. 

 

Robyn: Thank you for explaining that so clearly. This conversation is really important. Yeah. So let's talk about your current program this whole offering that you've created called P.A.U.S.E. And what does P. mean? In this case, 

Paige: so I [00:35:00] really did create it just because myself and so many of my friends we are that gen X kind of sandwich generation.

We're dealing with so many things. We're taking care of our kids. We're taking care of our parents. We're going through career transitions. We're approaching empty nest. We're having financial realities. And it just all feels like too much and it feels counterintuitive to just stop and take a pause, but it's so important for us to be able to reset.

So I can't even say I created this. I think this has just been how I've been coping and the tools I've been turning to. And so this framework of pause happy to go through them, but it stands for presence, which is really about. understanding our nervous systems and our response, like how do we react with stress and carving out the time and space to really incorporate some tangible practices in our day to day.

And then we move into the A, which is a line. And this is really [00:36:00] about. Getting in touch with our yes, nos, and maybes. We're all at a point where we're good at a lot of things, but a lot of things we may be that aren't fulfilling or that we need to be. So it's really just starting to get clear on that.

And we do a one part of that module is I call it the sister exercise of SWOT, which is SOAR. So we'll look at our strengths, our opportunities, our aspirations, and then a response of how we're thinking about this next period of life is because at the end of the day, we are at midlife, and how do we set the intention to make that a fulfilling time?

 The U is for unload. So that's around tapping into both our physical clutter, And our emotional clutter baggage. And so there's some tools to do that. S is for sleep because that's the number one way our bodies recover from stress. And so how do we support and set ourselves up for good sleep hygiene?

And then E is for embody. So how do we really embrace all the learnings, all [00:37:00] of the tools and a way that we can move forward knowing it's all within us and we have access to it at any point that we need it. Yeah, it's exciting. And, I think the fact for women, especially that. It is in alignment with going through menopause, which spoiler alert has the word pause in it.

So it literally is a time of life to slow down. And there's so much wisdom of this time. So while my offering doesn't address kind of the physical clinical side, it's more of a lifestyle offering because at the end of the day, once we are able to manage some of those symptoms that some of us may be having.

We still have the parents, the teenagers, that we still have all the things. So how do we start to knowing that these stressors are going to be there? How do we start to meet them in a more meaningful way and with a little bit more grace and patience with ourselves? 

Robyn: and I know many times in this conversation so far, you've talked about our nervous system, [00:38:00] and I actually don't think that most people think about their nervous system.

Yeah. They will probably think about maybe the words that you'll use to describe it, because I'm going to ask you, what do you mean by our nervous system and how to soothe it? 

Paige: For me, the most I think the best way to think about it is really understanding the signs of stress. So there's physical stress, there's emotional stress, there's behavioral stress, so headaches accident prone, depression, anxiety, all of these are at the end of the day, signs of stress.

But instead of shaming around it, if we can be like, Oh, this is really just a sign from my body asking for a moment. So I have this chart that I take people through where I'll read all of these symptoms and signs of stress, ask them to Be present with where they're being like, Oh, God, that sounds like me.

Because the good news is these signs of stress [00:39:00] really are mindfulness triggers. So it's just about awareness. And once we catch ourselves in the midst of that, we can come to the present moment where we can then be more responsive. So You know, a good example I like to use is that kind of our emotions can be cues to where our presence lies.

So for example, if I'm feeling sadness or some depression, not to minimize the chemical aspects of that, it can be a sign that my attention is in the past. If I'm feeling overwhelmed or anxious, it's likely my attention is in the future. Neither one of those are in my immediate control.

But if I can recognize them, I can come back to the present moment again, if I have some tools, I can take a deep breath, I can place my hand on my heart, I can take a drink of water, and just in that short action, we can come back to the present moment, and again, we can address it from a more calm state.

perspective versus starting to spiral to more of it. 

Robyn: [00:40:00] I think that's huge for people. 

Recognize, And to your point, become aware. 

Paige: And then everything that's happening to us really in our lives, it's just, they're just signals. And so our only job is to start to pay attention.

Because it's, especially our bodies, and this really was what cancer forced upon me, is that our bodies are leading the way. I forget who said it, but when it comes to spirituality and consciousness, the body's the last to know. So we can get all this information and have all these tools in our head swirling, until we embody it. 

doesn't make a difference. And the body is denser, it's thicker. So it's going to take some time. And so we have to trust our bodies. They are setting the pace and cadence. So if we can just start to listen to them, we're going to get everything that we need. So if we can start to create a new paradigm where if our body is saying that we're tired.

And we have permission to take a break, whether that's a nap or a meditation or just to [00:41:00] step outside. Great. Then we are going to feel better versus resisting it or powering through I was the guiltiest culprit of just power through, especially in those early entrepreneur days. And now, I joke with my sister we literally don't have that capacity.

I can't have big meetings in the afternoon because I just don't have that capacity. Anymore to just push through the day and it can sound like a luxury and in some ways it is But this is just how we have to start to think about how can we start carving our lifestyles in different ways to support and nourish ourselves.

 cause it needs to be a priority cause we're not gonna be able to navigate these new chapters of life. If something doesn't shift. 

Robyn: Yeah. And I would say, we have such an illusion of control for so much of our lives, the only thing that we can really control is the way in which we're going to react Yeah.

And respond. Yeah. To what comes into our path, basically. Yeah. Yeah. And so it's number one, having these [00:42:00] practices and understandings so that hopefully you are actually getting into a place that will actually just kick in without you having to work so hard at it.

Yeah. But it's also setting yourself up in the best way possible. Because as we said, I know this was in the intro, there are curve balls that are going to always come your way from all different aspects of your life. But if you can have this awareness, And set your life up to a degree in a way that is working for you for the most part.

then it's going to make being able to handle those curveballs a lot easier. 

Paige: And that's why, with the pause program, the presence piece that first piece really is the most important and for a lot of people will take the most time. Because that is the foundation because we need to carve out that time and space so we can learn to listen and pay attention because, again, that's where we're tapping into.

however you want to define it, higher consciousness, deeper parts of ourselves, higher self, God, if you believe, whatever that is, because [00:43:00] ultimately it's that connection that we're gonna need to rely on more as it just becomes louder. It wants us to pay more attention and that's where kind of the magic is and that's where we do feel that connection and the oneness and feeling more connected to ourselves, to our loved ones again to God or spirit or source, however you wish to define that.

That presence piece really is the foundation to all of it, 

Robyn: then it then leads you to the align piece, which is really being able to hear your inner guidance. And you're knowing, And then also, when you talk about the you, the unload part, where do you see people carrying a lot of this the most?

Paige: So I don't know if I can answer like where I see people carry it the most, but I do think. I think. Having an understanding of the relationship of our physical surroundings to our inside and emotional. Back when I had the Pilates studio, I also was studying feng shui and was [00:44:00] doing some feng shui training and consulting.

So just the physical clutter piece. Once people start to tap into that it is really helpful. So just seeing how a clean desktop could just help set us up for more focus or even on our kitchen countertop, just that relationship. And I know clutter is a whole other world and people get overwhelmed, but just starting simple, cleaning out your bag or your purse or.

 I have one client we were talking about sleep and I was just asking some basic questions and are there any areas of the home that had clutter that felt were feeling overwhelmed? They said the bedroom and I was like, Oh let's talk about that. So long story short, her bedroom was really cluttered.

And of course, that's going to make sleep difficult. Just that relationship is really powerful. And it's actually a tangible thing people can do. It's actually a good exercise because once [00:45:00] you start to clear out the physical clutter then you start to notice some more spaciousness inside.

 And a big part of that module is Just ways we can start paying attention to our emotions and befriend them without making them right or wrong and identifying the support that we may need, so if that means a therapist or a life coach or someone, if there's some things that are coming up, just making sure we feel supported.

So we have the space to really transmute them, so because as we all, I'm sure we've talked about this in some capacity, but emotions really are energy in motion. And I'm a big believer that when a big emotion is coming up, it's actually wanting to be released and transmuted. So most likely we've done all the logical thinking around it.

So if we just have permission to feel the tears, Feel the heaviness in the heart. Let it move through. Then it's we've released it. So I think [00:46:00] you can't underestimate catharsis. 

Robyn: that is so true. 

And it's also dawning on me as you're talking and about these different ways for people to take that pause there is that the creating of Time.

And so therefore the pause and the space. So let's say even when it comes to if it's clearing their bedroom or clearing a particular part of their house or their office, people don't even want to take that pause. Yeah. So you helping them make it a priority. that's pause in itself. You know what I'm saying?

 

Paige: it's a great example , and for a lot of people that is an overwhelming piece of it. And so a big part of the pause program is understanding what resources do we need to feel supported so we can keep sustaining this. for a lot of people getting a home organizer or.

some support around that, then it's like, Oh, you're not doing it alone. It becomes more of that cathartic kind of experience. but we definitely address the fundamentals. 

Robyn: [00:47:00] Half the battle is m aking the time, Yeah. You think about your closets or things like that, which most of us, it's like, of course we should take the time to clean them out.

At least once a year, if not more, and yet most of us don't, and then it adds up and you don't even want to really go near your closet. 

Paige: Yeah, and a lot of this came from when mom and dad passed We sold their home and we shipped everything to my house and kept it in my garage. But honestly, going through all those boxes, it's hard and it's difficult.

But once you get to the pictures and the things, it was a really powerful process and it helped me to reclaim parts of myself and my childhood that I didn't Really know or understand or appreciate at the time. So there can also be a lot of healing but again, it's about carving out the time and space so that it comes back to, how can we really do that?

So that's a big part of what the program is. 

Robyn: Absolutely. And. I think for everybody watching and listening, [00:48:00] you are worth it and you are important to not ignore all of this. You deserve that pause, and I think so many people , they don't want to stop.

It feels easier to keep going because it does take. Energy. And then you put this really well in this conversation. the growth that can come from that is hard to even put into words. 

Paige: And the way I've structured it is cause I do know it, it's counterintuitive, like what you want me to stop right now.

So I've structured it in a way where there are things to do. It is this dance between doing and being And that's the only way we're going to be able to really do it in a sustainable way. The days of kind of the eat, pray, love may not be available to all of us. But this is just a way to work within the realities of your lifestyle and just start to get some clarity and some ease and some space in your life and your spirit, your heart, your mind, all the things.

Robyn: I know you've used these terms, but what is a panicked pause versus a peaceful pause? 

Paige: It goes back to [00:49:00] in those high demand crisis situations We all actually can function and some of us may think we're thriving in those I always say I can be that calm center when a lot is going on but again, it's a nuance between in that stress response.

Am I acting from the fight? Is it a flight, freeze, fawn response or am I conscious and aware and can be present to be able to come up with a response in a different way? So it's very nuanced. And it's really comes down to how we're feeling and our nervous system, 

Robyn: maybe there isn't something traumatic going on, whether with themselves or their family.

However, they are feeling overwhelmed in some way, it's not a catastrophic type of crisis, but yet. something doesn't feel totally right. And they hear this and they're like, Oh, maybe that's what I need. I can do something now that I can handle when something Much bigger comes my way 

Paige: Yeah, and the big takeaway is [00:50:00] even a panic like those crisis that panic moment We do have the capacity.

It will always lead to that more peaceful pause But we have to just be aware and be open to incorporating some new things to get it to transition to that because at the end of the day, if to this day, if I get a phone call in the middle of the night, I'm going to be on high alert. I'm going to be able to function, but I can also catch myself and be like, okay.

In this moment I'm okay, I can take a deep breath, I can get a drink of water, and then I can proceed. It's not diminishing the uncertainty that's gonna happen regardless, but it's just knowing that we can still take care of ourselves in those moments, and we don't have to abandon ourselves.

Robyn: And it feels like that's where the embodied wisdom comes in, Because then you're building upon that, right? We become like our own library. Exactly. So if you're actually embodying and living with that, you are going to be able to [00:51:00] handle so much more as it comes 

Paige: your way. and we have the space.

That's really what this is We have more space to just start to be more of ourselves, as we're moving through our lives, 

Robyn: definitely and and to your point, it feels counterintuitive. However, we need it with all that we are being downloaded on a daily basis.

So I know you talked about your own meditation practice that you do it twice a day, but is there another go to practice that you can share with everyone that they can potentially start to do? In their daily lives, 

Paige: honestly, I think drinking water is the most important. I think most of us are so dehydrated and I know hanger gets a lot of time, but I think if we're dehydrated, we're also not operating from our best selves. So I do think having a pet water bottle is really important and feeling overwhelmed if you just take a drink of water and can really be present with feeling the [00:52:00] coolness of the water, feeling it slowly go down your throat and.

All of that. So drinking water getting outside is always going to be good and literally feeling our feet on the ground. And then, I always talk about just connection. So the simple gesture of placing your hand on your heart, Calms the fear centers of the brain. So just that gentle gesture to yourself throughout the day can be really powerful.

 And then obviously the breath, and I think it's really important. for people as they're starting to explore some of these practices. So breath awareness is a go to for many people. So you simply just observing your inhale and your exhale. There's also counted breathing. So you'll hear about the box breath where you inhale for four, hold for four, exhale for four, hold for four.

That is a very powerful practice for a lot of people, but it's not for everyone. So for people that are prone to anxiety, That may not be the best practice. So as you're starting to explore, there may [00:53:00] be certain practices where you're like, no, and you want to pay attention to that.

So I'm a big believer in paying attention to what's not resonating is as important to what is. And it doesn't mean that you'll never go back to breath awareness, but as we're starting out, You need to pay attention to what's feeling good in your body. And that's really a big part of all of this. 

Robyn: Those are just very easy rituals that people can start right now. 

Paige: And honestly, especially for people that have had no. practice or meditation or mindfulness it really is taking these micro moments. For some clients I'll recommend just start to layer it onto things that you're doing every day already.

So if you're taking a shower, that's an awesome opportunity to practice a body scan, just feel the shower, feel the water go from your head. Down through your neck, your shoulders, your body, and just paying attention to those parts of the body. That technically is a mindfulness practice. As you're brushing your teeth, just being aware of the [00:54:00] sensation of the sounds, the taste, the smells as you're brushing your teeth.

 If you're doing a skin care routine, you may want to incorporate some breathing as you're applying, the different stages of your skin care. So we'll find something that works for you. You just have to be open to letting it be unique to you that there is no one size fits all. 

Robyn: Yeah.

And all of these. As you said, they're the small ways for you to start being coming aware and being present. putting your hand on your heart. It's just a moment, but it helps to be present and drinking that water. It's a moment. And by the way, water is energy and it's a conduit, right?

So there's so much to it. We're made of water. So it's all of that. there was much that we covered today and thank you for really using your life and your life experiences and all of the wisdom that you've gained from that to help all of us. And putting it in a way that is very understandable and relatable and [00:55:00] easy and giving people today, not only you gave them certain exercises they could start doing today, but you also give them so much hope and inspiration.

And so thank you for that Paige. It's huge. Look at all you have done and you have so much more to do. I'm so grateful that you're here. 

Paige: Oh thank you. And thank you for everything you're doing. And I think creating this vehicle to support people is just so important. As we've said, there's just so much coming at us.

And I think having such a tasteful, curated lens that you guys are providing is so important. So thank you, and thank you for the opportunity to share, perhaps overshare. 

Robyn: Oh my, never oversharing here, that's for sure. And really it's our honor and pleasure. And. You can find out more about Paiges pause offering book a complimentary intro call and learn more about her other offerings at hello Paige davis. com Paige is spelled P A I G E so [00:56:00] hello Paige davis. com and you can also follow her at Hello Paige Davis on Instagram.

And we'll also have a link to her book, Here We Grow, Mindfulness Through Cancer and Beyond in our show notes. Thank you, Paige. Thank you. I appreciate you. I appreciate you.

Thank you so much for listening to the Seeking Center podcast. If you enjoyed it, we would love for you to leave a review or rating wherever you listen to your podcast.

It would mean so much to us. Thank you.