The Love Experiment You Didn’t Know You Needed - Episode 51

This week’s episode is all about love, but in ways you may not have thought about it before. Our intention was to focus on what might be stopping us from loving ourselves and from loving others. It led to our own eye-opening conversation, and an insightful exercise that we’re sharing with all of you, along with ways to attract more love into your life.

Have you heard the term “Mirroring?” If you haven’t, you will now! And while the exercise we are asking you to do is about love, it is also about the major triggers in our lives. When we did it, the answers surprised us – and we have a feeling they’ll surprise you as well!

Plus, we're sharing simple ways to create love, feel love and protect your loving energy. We believe this episode is a gift you can give yourself on this Valentine’s Day (or any day!).

Visit seekingcentercommunity.com for more with Robyn + Karen and many of the guides on Seeking Center: The Podcast. You'll get access to live weekly sessions, intuitive guidance, daily inspiration, and a space to share your journey with like-minded people who just get it.

You can also follow Seeking Center on Instagram @theseekingcenter.

Transcript

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Robyn: [00:00:00] I'm Robyn Miller Brecker, 

Karen: and I'm Karen Loenser. Welcome to seeking center. The podcast,

Robyn: join us each week as we have the conversations and weed through the spiritual and holistic clutter for you, we'll boil it down to what you need to know. Now 

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We'll talk to the trailblazers who will introduce you to the practices, products, and experiences. That may be just what you need to hear about to transform your life. 

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The newsletter at seeking center . 

Robyn: when Karen and I thought about the fact that this podcast would be posting on Valentine's Day, we wanted to be intentional with what we discussed, which led to our own eye-opening conversation and an exercise that we felt like we needed to share with all of you, along with ways to attract more love into your [00:01:00] life, while today's episode is all about love, we're focusing on what's stopping you from loving yourself and loving others. The answers may surprise you. All right, let's talk. Karen. I love this 

Karen: conversation so much. Right before we started I was googling.

Valentine's Day, and it's so funny how even still it does all come up about romantic love, and there's no doubt it's an important day for romantic love. We all treasure that, but I also think in the last couple years it's also leaned into self-love, which is a really tough topic.

for people, so if you don't have somebody romantically on Valentine's Day and then you're trying to lean into self-love, it just feels like a very complex way to spend your Valentine's Day. So I love this idea of having a conversation more about if we don't have what we want right now in love, generally that's gonna be reflecting our own self-love.

So how do. Grapple with all that. What are things that are really practical that we can do on this very special day to shine more love in our lives? 

Robyn: Yes. Well, one of the things which led [00:02:00] us to. What we wanted to do for this episode, we really both agreed that at the end of the day, the only person that you really have is yourself.

No matter what relationship you're in, whether you are in one or you're not in one. Wherever you go, there you are. There's that saying because you do need to love yourself. If you don't love yourself, you can't love others.

, you can't show up for others or expect them to show up for you in the way you think you want them to. 

Karen: And I think we also talked about this idea of people come in our lives, at least we believe for a reason. So if you can start there, then it can make you curious about what is it about them ?

What are they trying to show me that I can learn from versus quickly making an assumption quickly judging quickly, letting your ego. , come front row center in making that decision on what you feel about them to really try to take a step back and look at that person for what they might have decided with you to co-create with you, and so then it becomes a much more [00:03:00] interesting experience versus one that takes your energy away or makes you feel. Bad. , it happens to all of us. It's a natural thing, but what we're trying to do is come up with a way that we can maybe look at this situation a little bit differently, learn from it, and then ideally attract more love and light 

Robyn: back into your life.

Exactly. And for those who haven't heard of this term, mirroring and what Karen and I mean by mirroring is looking at people in your life that you both love or that might trigger you, and what are they mirroring back to you that's actually within yourself that you need to pay attention to, what we would all call good stuff and the not so good stuff. And so it's a really good exercise that Karen and I wanna talk about.

So what Karen and I are gonna ask you to do, which we have done, and we're gonna talk not about who they are, but what things came up for us. We are gonna ask each of you to list five people that you love, that when you think [00:04:00] of them, you automatically just smile.

And then think of five people who trigger you. And so if you see their name pop up in a text or a phone call, you 

Karen: You know who they are. , 

Robyn: We all have those people in our lives So take a moment and think about. and then Karen and I are gonna share what happened When we did this exercise, and we haven't shared what came up for us. So Karen, do you wanna start? 

Karen: First of all, I've never done this exercise before and I don't know how this even came to us, It's really fun to look at least first at the people that you love. That list for me, a that I came up with that list really quickly, so that was of nice.

I found five people that I love really quickly, but what also happened for me was the words that came to me that describe those people we're really similar. How about for you? 

Robyn: Same, and I think what we're both, which we haven't discussed yet too. I think they're qualities that I love about myself. Yeah.

And I, that's actually almost a hard thing for me to say because I don't like to talk about myself even if it's a good thing I don't like, I'm not here on the podcast, I'll [00:05:00] actually always talk about myself, we're always here to share and help others, but I actually really like these 

Karen: qualities.

Are you comfortable just sharing some of the words? Yeah. Oh yeah. 

Robyn: Go ahead. . So the qualities that I found about these five people that I wrote down are compassionate, respectful. Full of joy, humor, kindness, reliability, and depth. 

Karen: Wow. You got to a lot more adjectives than me.

, but the first one I wrote was Se Oh, uh, Yes. But same words, I think happy, funny, unconditional love, honest values connected to the present moment. Connection to love showing love. So yeah think that's really interesting how those are the values that we have.

Those people that we love the most in our lives are the ones that those shared values. Yeah. So what about, 

Robyn: For everyone listening, I'm so interested, and I know Karen is too, as to what you get and does this exercise for the people that you love, does it reflect what you love about yourself?

You have to let us know. So [00:06:00] then, 

Karen: Yeah, so then it did take me a minute to find people that that really triggered me. And I think I had to lean into people that weren't long-term triggers. So I think that's just a little. Tip to give people if you're having trouble, maybe you're not, but if you are having trouble thinking about people that trigger you, yes, there're those that are the long timers.

Maybe people that you've left behind. But then there also can be those people that check out person at the grocery store. The receptionist at the dentists office. There could be just people that, for some reason, there's something there that just every single time just gets. So for me, the words that came were egotistical, judgey I actually word the word two-faced down, which I think we all know what that means.

Judgmental about appearance, not trustworthy, selfish, deceitful, show off. Those are really the basics for me. How 

Robyn: about for you? Mine are similar. And I think your point about. . The fact that it took me a few minutes actually to come up with this list, which was not the case, but the first list was because I think a [00:07:00] lot of the people that have triggered me in the past, I've really, I've gotten rid of them in my life.

So to your point, there's some people you can't and sometimes it's people you may not see as often in your.

but consistently enough that you think about them when you think about the word trigger. Okay, the words that I used to describe were neediness, too much, assertiveness, disrespectful of others, making people feel uncomfortable, egotistical, self-centered, narcissistic, and judgemental. 

Karen: , two things that just came to me.

As you were saying those words I would just love people for a moment to think about energetically how they felt when they read those two lists. The first list. Even looking at ourselves over Zoom as we're talking right now, there was a joy, there was a happiness, there was a embracement of that person almost energetically, And then when you go to write those words that describe the people that trigger you, Your energy completely shifts, right? Yeah. You feel that sense of closed ness almost of your heart, you feel the energy of what you feel about them. [00:08:00] Yeah.

When you 

Robyn: Definitely 

Karen: So how do we look at both of those? And 

Robyn: I think the other thing that I wanna point out to people is that second list that we just talked about, there are aspects, and when we talk about the term mirroring, there are aspects of those qualities that we may have within ourselves.

And maybe it's something that we've worked on, . not saying that everyone that writes down narcissistic actually is narcissistic . I hope I'm not. However, I think that there's aspects of this that in my whole, life, and now I'm gonna be turning 48 this year, I think that there's parts of me in at different times in my life that have had some of this, and I've recognized it.

So the awareness of the qualities. that you don't like in others, that if you can see them in yourself and you can actually work on it or catch yourself when you're being judgmental. I know for me, if that's something that does trigger me when I see it in other people, so when I'm starting to be judgmental about something, I'm gonna catch it now.

And I think that's just because I've been doing so much work and I still [00:09:00] have so much more to do. However, I'm just pointing that out that there's a reason. that there are certain qualities in people that trigger you because at some point in your life, you probably had some of it in yourself. 

Karen: One of the thing that you just triggered for me was in my list.

I have had people not like me for some of the reasons on my list. And I remember thinking to myself, how could they possibly think that about me? Again, I feel like as much as we love the people that we love and their wonderful souls in our lives, the ones that we've written this list about are the ones who are here to teach us something.

And it can be really hard to admit out loud yes, that people can see words like judgey or too faced or judgmental about yourself. most of us wouldn't think of ourselves that way. And I wonder if the people on our list would say the same. Like, how could Karen right now be thinking of me as those things I don't think of 

Robyn: myself?

Oh my goodness. I so agree. I would say that the people on my list would never think that they're [00:10:00] any of these things At all. So we've all been there. 

Karen: Yes. That's huge. It's such a huge opportunity for us, and I think when we were talking about this podcast and thinking about what we wanted to say it was one of those things that it is an aha, because think about how this world is structured on all of those judgments and beliefs and how hatred becomes fired up in people all out of this misconceived judgment of others when.

it is all an illusion. It is that ego stepping in and for whatever reason, like you and I both had situations where we've suffered from some of the things on that trigger list, Where people have treated us badly and people have maybe we feel rightful in our opinions of these people, and yet I think we're missing the point in making the judgment.

We're missing the point 

Robyn: completely. And when you think about. those times in our lives where we have been judgmental or more self-centered, a lot of times that comes from a place of fear instead of love. So it's that love over fear. 

 So when we talk about [00:11:00] these trigger qualities, and even knowing that we felt these ourselves, when it comes to being judgmental or having an ego, it actually comes from a place of fear and insecurity. It comes back to love versus fear and so those that trigger you. To your point, Karen, think about what they may be going through.

we're not always going to, and it doesn't mean that you should keep any of these people in your life. However, there's something going on in themselves and in their own lives cuz number one, they're not recognizing, I'm sure they don't wanna be an asshole or they don't wanna be self-centered.

however, something is causing them to have so much fear that how they're coming across can be triggering and probably not just to you. Yeah. 

Karen: And I think if they show themselves, I think the greater the trigger, the more. It's saying pay attention, it could be that you just don't wanna be around that person, that could be it. I We're not saying that every person that's fair triggers you as a learning opportunity. No. However it's worth taking a [00:12:00] moment and rather than giving into that feeling of oh my God, that you feel when you see them or talk to them.

Step back Don't give power to that negativity. But lean into that. Wait a minute, maybe there is something for me to see. Maybe there is something for me to learn here. Or maybe there's a role I can play for that person, to show my light in some way.

there's so many choices that you can make in that moment versus leaning into 

Robyn: the Yes, . And what we're gonna also. Help you with is how to cope with those people if you can't get rid of them. , putting up, boundaries, which we brought up in other episodes is huge, and that will have to do a whole episode on boundaries and how to create them.

But that's number one. If you could start to create boundaries with somebody, which is not an easy thing to do. because there's a lot of resistance from that other party. When you start to create those boundaries. But I think what we wanna say is we, you can't change other people. You can only change the way that you act or react to your point of having choices.

And [00:13:00] it's about where 

Karen: do you wanna give your power? You give your power away when you lean into those negative. Feelings and you can physically feel them. It's like what we were just saying before about our two lists, right? When it starts to feel heavy, when you start to feel that weight in your chest you know that you're carrying it and that's not helping you or them.

So what are ways to release that? And some of it, you're right, Robyn, some of those people you're gonna be related to, or it's gonna be your boss in the office every day and they're just people in your day to day. And then there could be those other things that we're holding onto, Those past relationships that still we feel so much anger or depression, or. Just connection to those memories and how do we release those so that we can be lighter and feel, again, the whole goal here is to be more love and light, cuz that's what we're all here to do. But how do we learn from that so that we can really 

Robyn: let go of it?

One example we were talking about when we had this initial conversation was, you know that a lot of people listening they're divorced and they have children that they share [00:14:00] and. , you have to deal with that person on a pretty consistent basis. Even if you're obviously not talking all the time, there's probably some form of communication.

 And having ways in which to protect yourself, protect your own energy from whatever. There's also a lot of divorced relationships that are super amicable, but the ones that aren't. that they're still harboring a lot of feelings and triggers. 

Karen: And I went through it. It took me years to get to that place.

And let's face when it's on a day-to-day, it's not like you're gonna cure this, It's not like it's gonna be one and done, and you're all of a sudden gonna love that person. There's always gonna be that give and take, those triggers are always gonna be there because you have the relationship.

And in a way, I believe you came in with that intention because it constant, it would be a constant reminder. to lean in where you need to, to those better thoughts. I think with divorce in particular, when you do have kids involved, it's even more important to use these tools because you don't want your kids to absorb that and then create that in their lives moving [00:15:00] forward.

They're looking to you and learning from you. So it is looking back at that person for. What can you like about them? even if it's just they're the parent of your child and you share that and little moments of them in that pure innocence of that child growing up.

Could it also be leaning into how I wanna be a really good example and how this person is reminding me that's my job, Even if it's being the opposite of what they are just to be able to lean into that example. So there's always ways to learn and I think that feels lighter already, doesn't it?

Rather than oh, that person. And then it's better for me. And that's really what it's . 

Robyn: Definitely. And one of the tricks that we talked about way early on in our podcast, . It was actually in our initial newsletter last January, was this freezing negativity exercise, which we will talk about again because.

Sometimes you just need that reminder. I use it all the time, . And it works. And I know Karen does too now [00:16:00] because I introduced it to her. I love it. And it came from, it's in the book by Sonya Chok called Trust Your Vibes. And you put water in a small baggie or a glass jar, whatever works for you. And on a piece of paper, whether it's in the baggie or in the jar, and I've amended a little bit of what she does in the book, but I write the person's name down.

on one side and on the other side. I say, and this is what she does say in the book, I freeze all negativity, known or unknown moving toward me as of now. And then you stick that piece of paper in the water in the baggie or the jar and you put it in the freezer. And just that act of doing that there's something from an energetic level.

that protects you? It just does. I've had people that I work with all of a sudden stop working there within a week. For whatever reason. And nothing horrible. Just life happens And out of the blue, I've had people that I have to talk to on a pretty consistent basis, just change the way that they interact with.

It's just completely different. I don't know how [00:17:00] else to explain it, but I know it works. And so I really suggest trying this with those people on that trigger list. What about you, Karen? 

Karen: Yeah I've done it myself and it's been really helpful. There's other things too. We talked about the heart chakra, And this is where all of this emotion is carried and this opportunity, even if you don't know anything about the chakra, As I was saying before, you feel in your heart center where you might be carrying some of that weight. And I think we have tools that we can use like the frozen energy 

Robyn: exercise.

Karen: And then going back so utilizing things like the Rose quartz So easy to buy, and put it on your desk, carry it with you in your pocket put it over your heart.

Just literally feel that space right there and be self nurturing With that rose quartz, I find just having something to hold onto and having a tangible reminder that my heart is important and I'm caring for it makes me feel better. Yeah. 

Robyn: you can wear rose quartz in a bracelet, in a necklace, any of those ways of utilizing.

And there's also c [00:18:00] which I know I wear as a bracelet too, which is really about, I am worthy and it helps to boost my own confidence and self-love and that respect. So you can wear the rose quartz and the carnelian. We love our energy Muse ladies. . And so we highly recommend that, but you can get that anywhere.

Karen: Yeah, and that's a great point. I think the other thing to remember is that the heart chakra for color is actually green. So if you wanna wear anything green, that's also a really good nurturing color you can also get crystals in the shape of a heart, and if you get it almost as a palm size heart, it feels really good in your hands.

So again, what are those things that you can utilize in your day-to-day? another thing that can be hard to do, but almost like the freezing energy in the baggie has worked for me before. Is just sending these people light. Yes. Oh, send it ahead. Totally works, Send it to them. Even if you have to, if you're in a conference room and you're sitting next to them, send them light.

You might not see the tangible results yourself, but it goes into their heart chakra. You don't know [00:19:00] where that person is at that moment. You don't know where they're coming from. You don't know what things they're carrying around in their heart. That's. Causing them to energetically project whatever these feelings are onto you or other people.

And I always Go back and say to myself, they're probably coming from the right place. They just might not be able to show their feelings. And they come out in ways that are deflecting. They're coming out in ways to kinda keep people away from releasing Yes. That is 

Robyn: nature.

 And I would say in addition to just sending the lights, let's say to a meeting or to a get together, that where you know you're gonna see them or to the grocery store, as you said, cuz maybe there's someone there that triggers you. I also, there are people that may call me or I have to call them and before I make that phone call, I send them love and I send them light and honestly,

It's that intention. We always talk about intention, and I know I talk about it at Nauseum, because it's such an important part of my life, but setting that intention of sending that love, it really changes the [00:20:00] energy all around. It doesn't mean it's gonna be an awesome conversation, it just means it's gonna be better than you think it's gonna be.

when you think to do it. And we don't always remember, 

Karen: But I always like to think about these experiences and sometimes like we were saying before, the more intense they are, the more there is for you to know in that situation. And this sounds really silly, but I always like to think of a moment where if I have to replay this moment of my life, in my life review, or if I even 

if I was standing in an audience looking at this as a movie, how would I want that person, that heroine, that person in the movie to behave or to react, And if I'm replaying my life again, how would I wanna see myself really behave in that situation? And think about how proud you would be to see yourself.

Reflecting light back to that person no matter what it is that they're saying about you. It's empowering. It really is. 

Robyn: And it goes to two other points, which is a little bit how we started this conversation in the sense of wherever you go, there you are. 

No one else is going to fill. you up. The only person that can fill [00:21:00] you up is you. I've learned that lesson over and over again. You can find the people that are on my list of people that I love. They make my life so much better. But at the end of the day, the only person that I can rely on to film me up is me.

And so I know Karen and I were talking about another. about filling yourself up and finding whether it's a partner or a friend or whatever, but really it's talking about you, is to make a list of all the things you would want in a partner and be that. And Karen, you really are the one who brought that up.

Karen: Yeah. And I can't remember where I saw or read that, but it was someone saying I can't find my partner. keep looking and I just keep meeting all of the wrong people. And that person said, what I like to do is I like to tell people, start with the list of all the things that you wanna see in that person.

Whether you want that person who is thoughtful, loving, kind. , all of those things. Make the list, go back to the list that you just created of all the people that you love so much. And then be that, be loving, be [00:22:00] thoughtful. Be that person who shows others that you love them. Because we all know about that crazy love of attraction, which we, that love hate relationship with law of Attraction.

But those are the things, if we are those things, if we embody those things 

Robyn: and show respect to yourself, Show love and thoughtfulness to yourself. you can give yourself gifts, and sometimes that's just give yourself that grace, that moment of, we're not perfect either.

There's all of that. There's so much that we don't stop to do because most of us are always taking care of other people and not putting ourself on that list. So Pay attention to how are you filling yourself up, because the more you do that for yourself in this very authentic way, then you can fill others up.

And when you fill others up, it's not for the need of them to always acknowledge that either. It's cuz you do it. Cuz you wanna do it, and I think that's important to note too. 

Karen: Yeah. I, This is the age of Aquarius now, Where we're all supposed to be coming in and shining our lights and we all know that [00:23:00] we're there's one and we join together.

It makes that light brighter and brighter. So the more we can find ways to shine, either, within ourselves or to others, that's the world we really wanna create. And when we look and see how much. that it's needed and how easily you can get caught up in that cycle of judgment and ego and Making assumptions about people that really they don't even understand and see.

Whereas you can be that mirror to not only yourself, but to them of how wonderful that they are and how much they're bringing to the world. And that's the world that we wanna create together, and I think that's what we're all being called to do. So we've got wonderful tools and choose 

Robyn: love, choose love over.

There's so much decisiveness in the world now. The more, as you said, the more we can shine, our lights brighter, the more we can choose love over fear, the brighter the light's gonna be, and the more peace and love will be in the world. I 

Karen: wanna just say too is don't be afraid to shine your light.

Robyn: Oh, huge. 

Karen: it's been a lesson and I think for both of us, because , I know I've been [00:24:00] judged in situations too, where my light was misconceived. Also there are people out there that don't have enough love in their hearts for whatever reason. And I think that there's.

Tendency for some to wanna kind of snuff that out because there's more comfort in that energy. It's more prevalent. It's what we're all kind of living in. And so the minute you try to shine that light it does stand out in a room or in a crowd of people. And I think we have that tendency to, don't wanna dim it down so that we're not seeing, but that's the whole point of why we're here now.

Just from personal experience it's scary to do, but it's. The most important thing we can do. It is. 

Robyn: And we see you. We see those bright lights. Karen, I see your light so bright. it really makes my day every day. . So for everyone listening, we see your light and we are so grateful that you choose to spend time listening to this podcast and want.

to work on yourself and helping the world be a brighter place. We get to be [00:25:00] curious with you and let's all shine our lights as bright as possible. And we really wanna hear how this episode impacted you and did it help you uncover.

aspects of yourself you hadn't thought about before. Let us know and we're just sending so much love. 

Karen: We are. And on Valentine's Day and every day 

Robyn: on Valentine's Day and every day, . Thank you. And remember to subscribe to our weekly@seekingcenter.app.

Thank you. Thanks, Robyn. Thanks, Karen. I love you . Love you .